Wednesday, April 8, 2020

Sweet Painted Lady, Seems It's Always Been the Same

There are lighter elements to this whole quarantine debacle.  Going outside completely masked, with sunglasses, and hat is awesome when you look like death warmed over.  It has always been a point of contention, leaving the apartment and feeling some unexplained inner need to look more presentable while P impatiently paces like a wild animal.  He never understood why I couldn't just throw on a hat and go and frankly, I didn't either.  Presentable always required at bare minimum of a little mascara, and some eyebrow definition.  My whole lifetime I've carried this image of what is proper.  It's a hard habit to break, however this ensemble fixes all that nonsense.  I notice however, people still give off a noticeable presence on the street, which is interesting to witness in this way, maybe we're using new senses.
I haven't worn makeup in over a month, so my face is as smooth as a baby's arse.  Instead of looking pale and gawd awful, as I always felt in the past, now I don't mind it, the bare face.  I've gotten used to it.  I always believed I was hideous without the paint but in this weirdo time when you're only looking at one other person for days I guess I've become better friends with that girl on the other side of the mirror.  Plus as you get better, the blood comes back into your flesh and the transformation is dramatic.
Making one meal was the only thing I would be able to accomplish this day.  I didn't have the energy to get on the step stool and reach for my cuisinart so I hand chopped my ham for salad into tiny bits, sitting in a chair next to a table.  What should have taken 1 minute in the processor probably took a half an hour.  It became ridiculous, like the world's last pathetic martyr making her husband dinner through COVID pain.  But it was really just me trying to live again, to get off the couch to test if I could even do it.  And the answer was, yes but barely!
Chopped ham, egg, pickles (& juice), mayo, celery, mustard, onion, mayo and cheese.  I made these in the oven so I didn't have to do much more after all of that mincing.  Still slightly delirious I toasted these like hot tuna melts instead of serving cold. Not sure that's even orthodox but we're in a new world now, and I think we should take advantage of every opportunity to do and see things differently.

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