Seemed Like He Knew Me, He Looked Right Through Me

So the local pizza place, Lean Crust, really stepped up their slice game this year.  The concept is out of my fantasies.  Each day they make different varieties and when you go to order he tells you what's good and just out of the oven. That dictates your choices and makes you feel like someone cares about you.  It's fun and exciting!   I should start by saying I'm not supposed to eat pizza.  I'm not eating bread. Ahem. And really trying to cut back on the cheese (again).  But big chunks of good ham and pineapple?  See, that's just kismet though!  It's like he's reading my mind!

Dresses at the store next to the pizza place. 

I Promised Myself to Treat Myself

Home alone.  A Sunday without P.  Of course I was right onto everything forbidden.  French fries, burgers with the bun, ....ketchup! And that was only for starters.  I wasn't sure if I would make it out of the house or off the couch so I also ordered a loaded quesadilla, chips and salsa and large guacamole.  I had four days but pretty much squandered three with nervous restlessness and self contempt. Only this one glorious period was I able to fully take advantage of the full solo casa experience, food wise anyway.

I turned the remaining fries into a chili cheese nacho fry fest.  No photos were taken of my shameful formation but for a mental visual, the fries were put into a single layer into a low oven with some thick chili beans and lots of shredded mild cheddar, onions. And afterwards, topped with cool quac and pickled jalapenos.  The potatoes got all crispy and were so happy with a dousing of Frank's hot sauce.  

Pieces of a Man

Vegetable Primavera over Polenta

This week (March 22nd) a local black man was murdered by a white racist that came to New York to 'kill black people'. The man, who was 66 years old was known around town by many for his enjoyment of taking pics with the stars.  It is so sad.  When I read the story about getting stabbed multiple times from behind, I thought again about how our own real American in-house hate crimes are every bit as horrific in my mind as all of my fear of outside terrorism combined. But I try not to worry about any of the many potential dangers in general.  People are upset that Trump has made no mention of the event.  The power of all of these articles shape my own thoughts too.  I found myself struggling with my own opinion of whether it's appropriate to call it terrorism. I always felt the distinction would be if the asshole was affiliated to a political group or movement.  He says he is not, unless you want to say he's part of the hate racket, which he'd qualify.  Says he wrote out his whole plot on his computer so we'll soon hear all the venom.  In the end, even if it does matter what its called, it remains harrowing.  And a nice good man died. People do die every day on the streets of big cities and if you zoom in, its all noteworthy.  But this is national news. For that reason, I think it's important that it be handled properly and even scrutinized. This story has many elements to help us come together.   A man that admittedly hates black people and has all his life, preconceived this entire plan.  He's not insane, he's held jobs, he's not gonna get the privilege of being called schizophrenic or mentally ill. Everything was deliberate from what I understand right now.   Everyone can see this was very, very wrong.

An article by Shawn King admits his own employer made a huge error in prominently mentioning that Mr Caughman had a criminal record, a bit of his history that had no place in a story about his brutal murder since it bears no relevance.  I totally agree.  He is the victim here.  An innocent stranger of a heinous crime.  Not only that, it's typical, this weird corralling of the mind in print, insinuating the victim sort of had it coming.  http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/king-no-place-attacks-character-timothy-caughman-article-1.3007995.  You see this time and time again but this is a new day.  People will be called out.  We must progress.  Time is of the essence.

Today I just feel so paralyzed by everything I'm reading.  Day after day, human behavior seems to plummet into some darker hole in internet land.  I'm not talking 'them' or 'us', I'm talking 'we'. But this particular incident took me down.  I can'ts takes no mo!  It is too much for people to bear all of these thoughts on a constant daily basis.  My mind is not capable of sorting through this much data. What will be the result if it continues like this? I'm already becoming immobilized.  So much happens each day.  But this was so outrageous. If this was God forbid, say a young white NYU college student walking to class and a black man who tells the police he has hated white people all his life and came to NY solely to murder as many white people as possible....can you even imagine the rage that would ensue?  First of all, they would not be in a courtroom telling the story, they would be in the cold, cold ground.

The murderer, although disgusting, is not the story for me because I know there are crazy sick idiots out there.  That doesn't surprise me one bit. What shocked me is how damn fast that dust settled and got swept up, thrown out and now it's as if nothing ever happened.  Trump is not the kind of president that would protest.  But this is not something to blame on the POTUS.  This one is for us. We the caring people of all races must rally.  We have to calmly and mindfully challenge and defy any mishandling of this killer for Timothy Caughman.  That is a grander stand than some ignorant tweet against racism, ensuring our laws punish void of class or color.

I managed the shit out of this vegetable primavera over creamy Parmesan polenta.  Zucchini, mushrooms, yellow peppers, basil, black olives and lots of freshly grated parm gave this dish so much damn fortitude.  Just what the country needs right now.

Everybody Needs the Light

If you're not regularly eating Polenta I would highly recommend it.  It's super cheap to make yourself and it's not at all a big deal.  You just need to stir it constantly.  If you do it right, it's such a cream dream.  This was topped with mushrooms, peppers, onions, basil, oregano and garlic in a thick tomato sauce.  Parmesan and olive oil topper.

I forgot why I felt the need for such large portions but it made sense at the time.  The best excuse is probably because it was the end of February.  These are the true dark days of winter.  All the holidays have passed and we're left with harsh cold and nothing light.  The festive candy has left the building.  For months everyone seems to bring in some homemade sweet or confection at work starting with Halloween.  From about then until mid February you can't escape free treats.  They sort of get you through the gloom. And then it stops and you find yourself a little addicted to that potent tiny nibble every day. But thank goodness there is a letup because even though I don't even like sugar much anymore and try not to eat it, a girl can only be so strong.  And chocolate is just magic.

National Thai Spicy Shrimp Noodles

Greek Scramble

You've heard of the the Greek omelet, why not a scramble? 

Spinach Mushroom Dinner Salad

Until You Use Me Up

Enchilada Salad

I'm calling this an Enchilada Salad because it has most of the ingredients incorporated. I replaced the corn tortillas with corn meal masa.  Trying to get creative while I have the extra sauce on hand.

I love that the corner guy is branching out too with his Sonny Bono vests and flashy tights.  Usually it's just hats, tees and sunglasses.

One Thing for Sure, Love Stinks

Valentine's Day Enchilada Pork Chops

Love is one thing, romance is another.  Valentine's day in my head was always connected to the latter. Exaggerated, extravagant gestures. Storybook type affairs. Really pouring it on, as my mom would say.  I'd say unnecessary silliness.  I never bought into any of that fantasy-type adoration.  So Valentine's Day is a bit of a sneer for me.  I over think things though generally.  Couldn't it just be a day to give a little shout out to your loved one?  Sure.  And I could actually get with that.  If...But P is not romantic in any shape or form either. In fact, he winces a little when I lean in for a kiss or hug.  He likes me, more now than before, I think anyway.  But then why wouldn't he?  I'm a live-in maid and cook.  What's not to like?  I don't harass him because I don't bother people.

Actually, I think we're both just really surprised we could not only tolerate but truly enjoy another human for this many years, so we don't fool with it.  You live some years and learn some things.  As a matter of fact my humble opinion is love forming between partners is taught in the worst possible way ever to kids.  We're first people, without all these male or female characteristics.  Love is science and chemistry.  Love is also a muscle. Love has mass and exists. It's ugly and mean and messy.  The best coaching would have been to just tell us, no one understands it.  Unlike black holes, no one can figure this shit. Passion is more like happiness.  You can't be romantic, but there are moments when it's in the air like a mist.  Enchantment and fascination is sorcery at work and they all defy laws of logic. 

So, dinner.  With all the romance thrown in the food so its more palatable.  And he doesn't have to talk to me, which is my little gift to him. His favorite, my mom's enchilada sauce over a grilled pork chop on a bed of cool iceberg lettuce and onions. Topped with freshly made pico de gallo.  Confetti corn and black rice.

Grill Pan Pork Chops

PIzza Chicken Thighs

Pizza Chicken Thighs

This is just what you'd imagine.  Explaining any further would only be an insult to your intelligence.