What's It All About, Alfie?

How sweet is this? Candy coated strawberries and grapes.

There is a cool cat at work named Reggie, who could be Snoop Dogg's grandmother.  She's over 76, tall and lean, wears bright yellow high tops and has a stride as smooth as Larry David.  In her delightful deep, raspy voice, she offers me a free sample of her daughter's fruit and sugar laced creations.  I love strawberries so this was a welcome treat.

Every emotion that comes out of this woman feels contrived and deceptive but Johnny needs to stop laughing.  I want to slap them both at this point.

That's the way the Johnny Depp Defamation trial feels, like someone just gave me a giant, delicious, red strawberry.  Its unclear why it's so satisfying.  It's escapism with a twist of realism. I have the tiniest of doubt there is an actual abuse story in this heap of random falsehoods.  Testimony from real victims of domestic violence looks much different.  However, Hollywood really needs a special set of rules for evaluating these types of accusations.  The stakes become more complicated when people become commodities.  There could be ulterior motives, much to gain, financially and power oriented plays.  Timing could also be very key for these folks that need to control their image at specific times.  This particular starlet carries all the perfect ingredients for exactly this type of assorted nonsense.   When the very gracious, Believe all Women chant began, many people knew this was coming, the predictable opportunist.  The #MeToo movement was sure to release the Kraken of all scorned women as society is clearly producing more dregs in every sex.    

I've watched more of the trial than I care to admit and it's a drag to hear the grotesque personal relationship banter that was normal for both of them. Johnny's drug abuse at a particular time is extreme but not significant unless this is the time he became violent and broke his normal persona.  I have a smidgen of doubt because there is a difference in a person who's doing coke versus opiates and Amber speaks of this, possibly honestly.  Speedy drugs with high amounts of alcohol might prime you to become violent.  His bodyguards and managers said Johnny had a super high tolerance for alcohol.  I've known a lot of drunks and druggies though I've never known that combination, someone so low key and overly polite that once high would be capable of rape and the most atrocious violence.  In all of my experience, passives prefer heroin, sinking further into numbness.   But its also hard to grasp the woman who would outright lie about something so extremely heinous.  She has no credible evidence despite being a serial photographer and recorder of her relationship.  That is hard to believe.   It's hard to get passed the fact that she never sought treatment for bleeding of the vagina for example, after being raped with a broken bottle, or that someone making money off her looks wouldn't go have a broken nose checked out.  She's described living through real life action scenes from Die Hard movies, yet suffered injuries no one even noticed.  Again, if her accounts are not true, what kind of monster falsely accuses someone of such serious crimes and then claims to still love them?  I watched two hours of a group of body language experts saying this was the only time in decades of experience, that they were unanimous in certainty that Amber's testimonies hold massive deception and lies. 

Life is hard right now, also unclear why it feels that way.  Sure, there is impending doom most areas you look, whether it be violence near you, disease around the corner, weather disasters, drought, war, inflation. Many dark clouds hover over us.  Still, nothing feels normal anymore, even though some days are uneventful.  Time feels different under the surface.  I can't help but notice much of what happens in the physical plane feels senseless, slightly meaningless all of the sudden.  This shit is broken, this way we're living life right now.  

I hear educated, respectable people discussing this now.  Even though it scares the bejesus out of me, I hold a lot of faith we are being forced to shift directions, to experience life from a different angle.  Life truly is only a birdsong, as Johnny said in his Depposition.  It isn't about getting money and better looking houses.  Brazilian butts are not the answer.  Cheek implants are not going to bring us closer to knowing love.  Revenge and self righteousness is hollow.  I believe in my gut the human experience can be incredibly satisfying if we could just be slapped awake.  Not woke, but awake. 

All of this new violence and deceit, contempt, in pretty packages in the guise of being strong, are all part of this sick monster.  I want no part of this.  But philosopher's say we are part of it, no matter how we may want to distance ourselves.  This ugliness is in us too and we must recognize it with as much mercy as we can muster.

In that way, I am only watching minimal parodies of this trial, even though YouTube is flooding my feed with hilarious 'take downs'.  Instead, I'm trying to consider how painful, even if she's outright lying, this must be for Ms. Heard.  There is a hell in there somewhere.  That isn't something I'd wish even on a lying sack.  Then, on the other hand in the oddest case that this bad-acting, no-evidence-producing-lunacy is true, how horrible to live through such intense scrutiny and see the offender protected and loved by the masses.  

Anyway you slice this shit pie, it's a sad mirroring of us, society, the world today, and how we process it through our individual minds does matter.  

What's it all about, Alfie
Is it just for the moment we live
What's it all about when you sort it out, Alfie
Are we meant to take more than we give
Or are we meant to be kind
And if only fools are kind, Alfie
Then I guess it's wise to be cruel
And if life belongs only to the strong, Alfie
What will you lend on an old golden rule
As sure as I believe there's a heaven above, Alfie
I know there's something much more
Something even non-believers can believe in
I believe in love, Alfie
Without true love we just exist, Alfie
Until you find the love you've missed you're nothing, Alfie
When you walk let your heart lead the way 

And you'll find love any day, Alfie, Alfie 

Light Em Up and Watch Them Burn, Teach Them What They Need to Learn

Springtime coming in strong 

Everyone take their seats and enjoy these lovely photos of spring blooming in Brooklyn before I tell a dark tale. 

This is a tale of the death of my old, warped, cheap-ass sheet pan that lasted forever and did me good for years, how I got a new cast iron one, that doesn't fit in my oven and how this is all related to the Johnny Depp Defamation case.   Good luck!  I have no idea how this will connect but it's a morning writing exercise for me and I aim to do well.

One night I came home late, was hungry but didn't want to make a meal.  I took some store bought chips and this odd pre-sliced jalapeno jack cheese that we never buy.  I put the chips, cheese and pickled jalapenos under the broiler to make quick no fuss nachos.  Only a minute passed before they suddenly became inflamed, like foot tall blazing flames pouring out of the broiler.  When I realized the fire wasn't going out even after I turned everything off, I yelled for help.  The blaze continued, getting even higher, it was wild.  Covering the combustion with wet rags didn't extinguish but finally after several frantic attempts, together, we put the fire out and were able to handle the pan.  No nachos were to be had this night and the pan was toast.  It was time, this had been coming for awhile. This pan was bad from the start, was never a quality product and I should not have used it to broil.  I was being cheap.  I continued to use it well beyond it's expiration date, after it warped, after it began smelling like kerosene.  

I bought a new pan, of sturdy cast iron.  Being 15" x 10" I was sure it would fit nicely into my 24" oven.  All was well. Only, it doesn't fit in my oven but I can force it diagonally, so I'll probably live with this nonsense for too long.  I don't learn easily or smoothly.

Amber Heard was always too young for Mr Depp and it was ignorant of him to start a marriage with someone who clearly was not the right fit.  Emotionally though, perhaps they were better matched as he seemed to be stunted in that area regarding jealousy and relationship behavior. despite his age.  They could now live out high school era shenanigans, for better or worse in the privacy of one of his many dwellings.  But when you keep ignoring blatant signs of actual trouble, you set yourself up for future blow-outs, like these blackened nachos.  It was inevitable this would end badly for them.  We all choose our own suffering in some respect, even though we can't see it all the time.  My pan was old and not in good shape.  The new cheese had some chemical perhaps they add to keep the slices from sticking and together they created a burning pit of fire.  

A gold-digging, psychologically-damaged hottie mixed with an aging, beloved actor who was primed to deal with his demons in the most dramatic, drawn out, drug-induced way possible is definitely a recipe for disaster.  

If I put this bitch in catty-cornered, she works but in the future I'll measure the inside dimensions.

And similar to my new durable pan that's near perfect, but doesn't quite fit, Johnny may not find or even choose the right woman the next time but it's how he deals with those obstacles that will determine if he's learned anything. 

It Ain't No Use in Turning On Your Light, Babe

Hot & Spicy Whole Roasted Jerk Chicken

Because the jarred Mole worked out so well, I tried this wet jerk seasoning on a slow roasted whole chicken and it was kind of awesome!

I feel immense excitement when there is a high profile event that is not too tragic that we can all participate in and experience together as a society.  I think it brings an energy fuel to the world.  The Johnny Depp defamation trial has taken over my nights and many daytime thoughts.

Call me crazy but I'm digging constipated, older bloated Depp more than his most recent personas.

There are so many gifts to feed off from this case.  I am reluctant to say that it's given me life this week.  I would hate to think I'm feasting off of anyone's pain so I am careful to treat all that I'm hearing with respect.  First of all Johnny Depp may be the absolute favorite actor from my age group. There are limited Hollywood stars that have given me so much joy in their movie portrayals.  And Depp imparts his own characters into each movie in the most gracious, creative way.  From What's Eating Gilbert Grape, Edward Scissorhands, to Blow to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Black Mass, Fear and Loathing, Sleepy Hollow.  I don't know how many times I watched Mortdecai, a brilliant treasure full of laughs.  There is not one I haven't treasured.  There is so much gold here and during the pandemic especially, we learned just how important it was to have these outlets with capable Hollywood stars that can carry you through the fantasy.  We also learned that bad acting, no matter how bored you've become, still rings false in your ears and is worse than complete silence.  Through his acting, Johnny invites you to escape along with him, as if you are in on the secret together. 

There are as many lovable characters in this trial, that it mocks one of Depp's movies.  I adore Johnny's sister and how they both speak like timid abused children, I just want to give them hugs and warm cocoa.  She loves her brother and I'd imagine she's seen some disgusting drug induced acts. It's a testament to his character that she is so loving and loyal after all of these years. 

Amber Heard does well as the psychotic, evil-doer.  From her demeanor to her body language, she gives off such creepy vibes. What is all that frantic writing she does when people are saying horrible things about her on the stand, posing like she's a psychologist evaluating their testimony.   I'd love to get a hold of that yellow legal pad and read her crazed ravings.  But admittedly, I am less concerned about the actual facts because obviously everyone is fine and will be fine.  This ultra rich Hollywood union that almost everyone predicted would have a bad outcome, are living out that drama.  However, we're all human and a lifetime career is being shattered, yet again by everyone's willingness to believe without verifying bullshit.  But within this pain, it is a wonder to have even a small glimpse into the real side of Johnny Depp.  For me it is a shiny marble to ponder.  

In the bigger picture, it is incredibly important that women not only, do not protest physical abuse if it's not true, but be punished if they do.  And it would be especially horrible if someone faked injuries, which may be the case here.  I consider that a very serious atrocity because this affects all women's ability to report violence.  Verbal abuse is apparent on both sides, although it feels more like the court revealed dynamics of an ugly booze filled toxic relationship along the lines of Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolf, more than abuse.  It's sad in the overall scope of things.  Alcoholism, and drug addiction is sad but again, with both coming out the other end of this dark tunnel,  there are funny bits as well. We're all stocked up on sad in this world right now, so its more healthy to focus on this case for entertainment value.  

I love Johnny's long rants and descriptions of life, how far he drifts from the question asked, but somehow makes his point in a poetic way, occasionally.   Apparently he is as captivating in real life as the roles he plays.  I'm enamored by his humbleness and kind nature.  I never payed attention much to his off-camera persona, but often envied his incredible talents.  Fellow actors, crew members and service people respect and admire him across the board, another testament to his character.  

I understand his idiotic texts, my husband and I share a similar type of exchange to entertain each other and fall out of the mundane.  But how vulnerable must it be hearing your own drunken, beyond acceptable, audio clips in front of the world.  For a couple to have their arguments recorded is a nightmare, especially during the first years together.  Those are not one's best times. 

The trial is also an amazing study into narcissism. Ms Heard displays all classic behaviors and if you're unlucky enough to have known one of these distinct personalities up close, you will see tons of similarities.  They are truly ones for the books and to acknowledge their unique dark traits is helpful in understanding humans. Because this particular personality type can really manipulate in such exaggerated ways that you begin to break down under the fight. They are exhausting beyond belief. 

Worthy of focus is how love makes you stupid, or what we sometimes mistake for love.  I guess I would call it lust or infatuation, intoxication. Love has nothing to do with it in reality.

Posing sometimes as a therapist myself, I think this might be one of those necessary evils for Mr Depp. Perhaps it was curative for him to play out these mother issues from childhood.  You can go on suffering forever, by why do it to yourself if you can do the work and get past it.  He'll be a better person from all of this.  And his nemesis came in a hot package.  

This might be the event that brings the political two parties back together.  Both republicans and demos alike agree this woman is a psychopath.  She is gorgeous, she is bright and smart but that girl has some big ass problems and no amount of I'm-not-crazy-suits and sophisticated up-dos will diminish that.  Johnny's a big drunk and at points has partaken in too many drugs at once, as I understand she does as well but nothing is convincing that he ever became physical.  But he needs to prove she is a liar to win this.  She will take the stand soon and that will reveal an even clearer picture.  #justiceforjohnny