this is a blog about the food in my life. what I eat, what I wanna eat, what I make, what I bake, what I wanna make and bake, ideas and recipes. it's also my thoughts on food or stories behind the meals. The lyric references are from my lifelong love of classic rock and funk and from working a hunnerd years in music retail.
A Mexican Plate from an Alternative Universe - Spinach low carb tortillas filled with seasoned pork and onions, topped with Jalapeno Jack cheese, Spanish yellow rice and doctored canned Vegan 'refried' beans.
Just when I was living back in the mindset of my Midwestern hometown at 20 years old, bored beyond repair at the scenery, when old conservative white men seemed to dominate my world, and I was hopeless for the future, Bill Burr hosted Saturday Night Live with musical guest Jack White. What an incredible show that slathered salve on so many wounds. First of all, Jack White's performance was beyond phenomenal, it was transcending, something out of my dreams!! Those songs each gave me that feeling of the floor dropping from beneath my feet at live concerts. How we watch rock stars with envy, pride, and yearning as wild abandonment takes over every cell in our bodies. He has successfully found that sound that perhaps he has chased his whole career and hand carried it to us at just the perfect moment in time. Maybe it could get better but I'm not sure I could handle that greatness at this particular time without completely falling apart.
As if being airlifted spiritually wasn't enough, I was blessed with the monologue of Bill Burr. I've been secretly adding his comedy sketches to my nightly YouTube feed for months and have found him so refreshingly hysterical. His particular brand of honest humor hits at a time when it's downright dangerous to draw attention to this ongoing insanity, to make fun of the ultra liberal silliness that for some reason, smart people are getting behind, leaving critical thought behind. He's not perfect and his vulnerability is restorative, and what the world needs more of right now, caring people calling out blatant hypocrisy within their own party. Bill is married to a black woman and is neither racist, nor right leaning. He's a normal thinking person who's bringing to light the utter ridiculousness of how far, the far left have gone to shut down opinion and free speech, taking over the role of judge and jury for the world. He has joined Dave Chappelle, Norm McDonald and many others to throw cold water on so many of these bigots. Comedy needs to remain free because you can only bring humor out of truth. If we squash that, we may as well kill art in the public square. But knowing him a bit and by his expression at the end of his opening, I'm not sure if he deliberately spoke to his target which would be brilliant or if he actually looked out unto his audience unknowingly at the end and realized the crowd was his target. The New Yorkers who were able to attend that show, were most likely the elite and ultra single-minded trendsetters that would be offended by those jokes. But I have to believe there is plenty more of us living smack dab in the middle of all this absurdity, shaking our heads at many of these laws, rules and kowtowing to victimhood. I won't believe this is the healthy way to evolve. This show, although skewed in the sketches for sure, also successfully brought comedic spotlight to the left party's failures, and reminds us no one is looking too good right now, except for maybe Jack White!
All the stars aligned: As a side note, the producers of the show cancelled the original musical guest Morgan Wallen for not social distancing and potentially putting the crews in COVID jeopardy, which was the best chance occurrence to happen since a thin crust pizza place opened next door to me. It ended up being a double win and probably the best press he could hope for because Wallen professes maybe it changed his life in his equally genuine apology video.
Bless me Father for I have sinned. It has been about a hunnerd years since my last confession.... This week I have fought very hard not to wish ill upon about a certain cluster of COVID out-breakers in our nation's capital. I never thought I could be guilty of genuinely wishing grave illness upon anyone and yet that is exactly the feelings I am fighting this week. I'm sugar coating the malice with the logic that it could save multitudes, that if a prominent figure went down then possibly so many folks would take the precautions that are needed more seriously and in turn, many good people would be saved deep hardships and loss. Further, maybe our economy could come back if we didn't have more waves of outbreaks. But it does hit more personally than that. I'm offended as a person dealing with all the long term effects, the constant struggle to avoid catching it again and each week waking to feel yet another oddity in my health. Then to see blatantly obese, unhealthy disbelievers just pop out of it, after heavy doses of miracle drugs mind you but still, is so mind-bendingly disheartening. I confess every morning I woke to look at my phone expecting to see news of a re-hospitalization. My niece even mistakenly thought she read this was true and had texted me late one night. Again, I didn't want to feel any tinge of happiness, so I fought the urge for excitement and when I found it was a mistake, also tried not to feel deep disappointment. I hated the fact that I yearned for the bad news to come that never did.
Braised Country Pork Ribs with Spinach and Chick Peas
I quickly browned 4 spiced and floured large country ribs before throwing in spinach, chickpeas, sweet potato, onion and lots of garlic along with Chicken Stock and braising in oven. There is nothing better than braising meats in the oven and I would recommend it for flavor, time saving and if you're wanting some comfort in these trying times.
The other reason it's so hard at this particular time to stay grounded is because our New York numbers are in fact going up. There are large pockets of neighborhoods very near and as I write this, hitting mine with increases of 5% and possible threats of another shutdown. There are constant scares at work with folks out sick. But the biggest, most number one reason that I am pushing back deep seated resentment for our President and his whole demonic crew is because the Only fun thing I'd probably accomplish this year was seeing my dear sister in Colorado. We are trying to make my trip a yearly thing and fill a few days with much needed bonding and fun, festivities, outings, walks, fishing, grilling, partaking in the local culture and food. So much good food that can only be had when foodie sisters collide. I bought the tickets, I made plans, took off from work, saved. Then all this hit within a week. I feel I must cancel the flight because it is too risky for her and I.
Then I learn that many of these fine Hasidic Jewish folks that are causing this local outbreak are Trump Supporters, here in Brooklyn! That his false, dangerous words of the ending virus held power, they trusted him to pull off their masks and not only that but to defy laws and rules around the city. So much that some of their neighborhoods are up to 9%! It's mind-boggling when you consider how they are known for taking care of their families, respecting their elders. I love this community and struggle to comprehend their logic. I would never take the slightest risk in infecting my sister, or anyone I love, she means the world to me. I don't trust in the least that I cannot get it again quite easily as I don't feel it's ever gone away and here we are 5-6 months later. But it's not political for me, its my life, it's all of our lives. Even though my life is very simple and uneventful as compared to some, that's all the more reason why this little trip meant the world to me.
So my question is, how does one fight natural, animal instincts to lash out when confronted with a predator?
Potapas! My dream Sweet Potato tortilla that I can eat without headaches!
I love making summer foods like these pulled pork tacos with a cool salad and lots of fresh toppings. This might be one of the only normal things about this particular summer. I'm sure it will go down as the most odd. Wearing masks in the extreme heat, still not able to really do much, no indoor dining, or movie theaters. The beaches are at capacity by 9:30am. I've spent no time with friends and barely leave the house except to go back and forth from work because it's so hot. News bites have become too big a part of my daily life. You can start to believe the pictures they paint. Another missing comfort is daily texting from multiple people, a check in of sorts. At first during the Pandemic, everyone was keeping in touch and now it seems it's dropped off a bit. Each is dealing with their own isolation reality. There is less to say because we're experiencing less, although reading more which is a plus. And crime is way up in the city. Crazy things are taking place. Dead bodies on top of McDonald's, decapitated heads in a high rise, a 1 year old was shot up, horrible images. At first I thought we were hearing these stories to prove we need cops but now I'm not so sure. Wretched things happen everyday in New York that somehow don't come to light. I realized that one day when I mistakenly added the NY1 News app to my phone. If you read each alert, you would surely live your ass in a state of deep fear. But I also feel a slight shift happening on the streets even in my limited view. People are certainly driving more hostile, angry, less patient. Less cops also have made laws more interpretive. Cars are running red lights like bikes, slowing instead of full stops at stop signs. Normally, the youth would be in their skimpy clothes, the mating ritual in full force and they need to blow off that steam. Everyone is being tested. How much can you take? Friends are trapped with their alcoholic husbands without respite. Kids are home ALL the time with pent up energy. As I write this in July the temperatures will reach almost 100 today with 67% humidity. This city is a lidded boiling pot ready to blow.
Thank goodness for pickled red onions, avocado and corn salsa made with ripe donut peaches. I don't know how I would survive without these simple luxuries in life right now.
Store bought fresh ravioli with jarred sauce for dinner
Back to my retail job in Phase 1, pre-customers for a full week and I'm noticing that even with the best measures put in place for safety, it's impossible to keep surfaces sanitary at the levels required. I tried the gloves and realized I'd need to use about 4 to 5 pairs a day at least and after considering the amount of waste, I just couldn't do it. Your cell phone doesn't work well with them anyway. When you go to the restroom, you'd either need to take them off and reuse them or just throw them out. Washing hands is still the best but the recommended rule of every half an hour goes out the window when you're busy. We were each signed to a computer station but after the first few days, were called to help in the warehouse where we all touched carts, product, paperwork, bags, and more items multiple times, not to mention crammed together in smaller spaces where social distancing became impractical. The sanitizer bottles that were everywhere the first week, went missing more times than not in the breakroom, so the table you sat at may or may not have been wiped down from the previous eater. You gotta eat and even though we're 6ft apart, no one is masked while dining. It's the only time to socialize so by the 2nd day, many folks stopped by my table and chatted unmasked, more like 4 ft away. I've been sick of course so my fear level is not as high as some of my coworkers but we don't know that you can't get this again. I never understood if a significant viral load made us even more susceptible like the nurses. As they call back more and more staff it's impossible for the cleaning crews to keep the bathrooms at the level you'd need to keep germs in check. Most are commuters into Red Hook from buses and subways. My level of anxiety is low but I do believe we are fighting a hopeless battle the minute customers return. A sanitized NYC is unattainable. Jobs will be very hard to come by but I can't help but consider other options for employment in this new reality. I'm sure there is lots of opportunity for a 58 year old with no marketable skills.
But for now, on my day off a Strawberry waffle cone from Emack and Bolios after a light lunch salad is all I want to focus on.
Coronavirus Easter Dinner of Chili Verde Eggs Rancheros
As expected, my husband headed up the peak of this evil bug on Easter day. I knew what was coming for him. It's scary, no matter how ornery and pig-headed you are, it holds all the power. When someone is super sick in a small apartment it becomes a little like a church, library and hospital room all in one. There's lots of checking in, liquids distributed, handing off of vitamins and aspirin tablets, monitoring, listening for anything scary like choking or gasping. I was emotionally spent, moping around in my head all day. This is Easter??? I kept asking myself, sounding like a spoiled child. I know I'm grateful, for so many things, the list grows longer each day. That doesn't mean I can hold on to it on bad days. I tried to get lost in the story, read the book of Matthew, then watched it on Netflix but the actor looked like the guy in the caveman commercials so I was distracted. Soon I was back on track mentally. What? God is supposed to make you happy, because it's Easter and you're five, you moron? I tell myself. Get right in the head, this ain't about you, fool. Wake up! And I did.
Needless to say there was no shopping done beforehand but I did have some beef that I turned into Chili verde steak rancheros with corn tortillas and pinto beans. I set the plate down in front of the couch for P to eat and I took mine to my room all quiet and Trump sad, not much to say of any value. Let's just say jokes weren't flowing yet. We usually try to make light of situations to lessen anxiety and worry. That's when I knew he was there deep in it. We handle sickness differently as I mentioned. Men get grouchy, or should I say grouchier but he wasn't even that, he was just in the sickness that day with nothing to give out, his battle was with this virus. The best you can do for people in that situation is leave them alone. Or maybe I was just nervous but after making sure he had every liquid available in the apartment, I did just that.
Corona cooking is cool in that you're super zen, but also not up for too much fanfare. Simple is best right now. In hindsight steak was not the best choice for P to process but he did eat everything and that was most important, to get food inside. Normally I would drown the steak in the sauce but didn't know if he would be able to handle spice, so I laid them on top, same with the eggs.
Easter is about a rebirth, a new beginning, salvation. It's certainly different to experience in this way, all cloistered with death and sickness all around. And not one chocolate bunny in sight.
It's certainly day to day with this virus as the lingering symptoms don't allow you to feel recovered. Nausea and shortness of breath, chest pressure are nice little terrifying parting gifts that visit in the middle of the night when you least expect them and come and go during the day like they're playing peek-a-boo. But with all of that I still feel that I've won the battle and am on the road to recovery. I hope to be a helpful guide for anyone taken down this path. If nothing else I'm very observant and like Billy Bob Thorton in Bandits, could lay out each of the symptoms in detail for anyone that cared to read them. And even if you show no symptoms I would get yourself some knock out flu medicine, 1000mg of vitamin C tablets, Tylenol, tea and if you drink, which you shouldn't, some whiskey along with canned soups. The Theraflu type things do nothing but help you sleep through some of the scary moments where you seriously don't know if you need to go to hospital. You get some warning days of being sick and may think, okay I can deal with this but then the real storm hits, so be prepared. This is your Go bag for 2020.
You pay $8 for a spaghetti squash of this size but consider that you get about 4-5 meals out of it at least and only have to bake it once. You can top this with any type of sauce or meat and vegetable medley. Just like regular pasta, it can adapt to any flavor profile you choose. Ham & Cheese, pesto, marinara, chili, creamy mushroom, are just a few I've tried. If you're sick I would say leave it in it's shell and just top with warmed up tomato sauce and Parmesan, even just buttered with chili flakes and salt, a little olive oil drizzle is enough. It needs very little to be super satisfying.
This Coronavirus suffers from an identity crisis. I battled it more hard core in this last week. I tell ya, there is something for everyone in this vivacious little pathogen. Variety is his key. Getting bored with the chills? Well he has some nice jabbing chest pains for you. How do you feel about headaches? Oh and sitchoassdown!-extreme-fatigue, that don't stop to punk rock. He also offers constants, like morning nausea from the moment you wake each day followed by gut punches. Various body aches will surprise you at every turn. Is it 120 degrees in here or are you in hell? Then there's the blast chiller that makes it feel minus 35, better dress in layers. The pressure pain in your chest provides that terror factor. And then there is the multiple endings. You think it may be over but you are so wrong. And fever dreams are a big thing!
Ham Salad & Cheese Open-Faced Sandwich with Apple & Tomato
Shortness of breath has been a mainstay for me throughout, about three weeks starting from noticeable with exercise to bent over gasping, but it always went away. This isn't the flu where you can lay in bed and sleep it off, instead you must be the guard at the gate armed to fight. I woke up believing it had to be on its way out, that I'm through the worst days. I felt like the virus had abandoned attacks in 70% of my body but the shortness of breath came on strong straight out of the gate and just from sitting. We didn't want to bother the doctors knowing full well everyone is overworked and busy with emergencies. You get about 6 texts from the city a day telling you if you're sick, stay home and deal with it basically unless it's an absolute life or death emergency because of our overtaxed systems. I finally make a video doctor appointment, something they made available for this situation and honestly, if I had known I would have done earlier. As soon as I describe my symptoms he immediately recognizes all the strangeness and verifies what I already knew, but decides we should both come in to check oxygen levels, vitals and while there, get tested to be counted. He confesses most will get this thing in the city eventually due to the density, there's almost no getting around it. He sounds tired but is very kind. He goes on to explain he doesn't trust the bug anymore because he's seen too many things, the most troubling one, that it goes away and then resurfaces with a vengeance to take you down. And that went straight to my gut, because I thought about friends and family, people with underlying conditions, the elderly and who we're now hearing are dying into the hundreds overnight each night alone in their homes. It's heart-wrenching.
Going forward we really need mass testing now in NYC and the new blood tests that will tell us who had the virus and who is now safe to reenter the job space. Those essential tools have to be in place before we could possibly open up the floodgates again here. Also to know if we can get this thing multiple times in a season, unlike others where we build up immunity. Because many of us had the regular flu already this year around January and February, and wonder if possibly it was COVID-19. I say that because I became sick in February with a horrible sore throat and knock down flu that came on so quickly and I struggled with shortness of breath for weeks after. It was only after riding my bike and hauling ass at work but very uncommon for me to get winded so easily.
I was so relieved after seeing a doctor that I made these open-faced ham salad with apple, tomato and swiss cheese toasties for dinner. COVID cooking can still happen, you just have to move super slow, like a sloth.
There are lighter elements to this whole quarantine debacle. Going outside completely masked, with sunglasses, and hat is awesome when you look like death warmed over. It has always been a point of contention, leaving the apartment and feeling some unexplained inner need to look more presentable while P impatiently paces like a wild animal. He never understood why I couldn't just throw on a hat and go and frankly, I didn't either. Presentable always required at bare minimum of a little mascara, and some eyebrow definition. My whole lifetime I've carried this image of what is proper. It's a hard habit to break, however this ensemble fixes all that nonsense. I notice however, people still give off a noticeable presence on the street, which is interesting to witness in this way, maybe we're using new senses.
I haven't worn makeup in over a month, so my face is as smooth as a baby's arse. Instead of looking pale and gawd awful, as I always felt in the past, now I don't mind it, the bare face. I've gotten used to it. I always believed I was hideous without the paint but in this weirdo time when you're only looking at one other person for days I guess I've become better friends with that girl on the other side of the mirror. Plus as you get better, the blood comes back into your flesh and the transformation is dramatic.
Making one meal was the only thing I would be able to accomplish this day. I didn't have the energy to get on the step stool and reach for my cuisinart so I hand chopped my ham for salad into tiny bits, sitting in a chair next to a table. What should have taken 1 minute in the processor probably took a half an hour. It became ridiculous, like the world's last pathetic martyr making her husband dinner through COVID pain. But it was really just me trying to live again, to get off the couch to test if I could even do it. And the answer was, yes but barely!
Chopped ham, egg, pickles (& juice), mayo, celery, mustard, onion, mayo and cheese. I made these in the oven so I didn't have to do much more after all of that mincing. Still slightly delirious I toasted these like hot tuna melts instead of serving cold. Not sure that's even orthodox but we're in a new world now, and I think we should take advantage of every opportunity to do and see things differently.
Yesterday, as I drowned out my daily concerns by listening to David Attenborough describe the soothing daily life of penguins, I did that thing. You know, that thing when you look at your phone news feed in the middle of the day, even though you promised yourself once in the morning and once a night is best. The headlines read something like: Breaking News! - Trump To Issue Draconian Measures for NYC. In my mind there was an exclamation mark. I hurriedly go to the video clip. It's Trump outside, looking pretty casual, stating matter-of-fact-ly, he may issue a 'quarantine' for all of New York City, parts of Jersey, maybe Connecticut, maybe. He doesn't know, maybe needed, maybe. That he may announce it later on today. That he hopes he won't have to, but he might. At this point, I feel we should demand an interpreter travel with this man. What the hell is he talking about! Even in my head I sound frantic. And why does it sound like he's threatening us?But wait, I consider, we already are in a state-wide shelter in place mandate, many are in real quarantines.... Before I can go further he continues, They’re having problems down in Florida. A lot of New Yorkers going down... don’t want that... heavily infected.”His exact words, as always broken up, unclear. I rush to put this through my Trump decoder ring. I repeat the video, try to piece together a sentence. And in the end, I agree, New Yorkers should not be traveling to Florida right now unless we're able to test beforehand. That is one thing. But a lock down, travel ban on our biggest city?! People are going to go apeshit. Oh shit, this isn't good, I say to myself as the reality starts to sink in. Now, some of you living in New York City or L.A. have a common paranoid scenario fire storm forming in the back of your mind these days. Every now and then you'll throw another fear on it, usually in the form of a what if. What if the food markets close down. They go on and on and we must minimize unnecessary creation of these little logs. But one of my biggest what ifs, is what if they restrict us from leaving the city? Thank goodness, that I was late in hearing the news and Trump in the next hour would clarify, as much as he is capable, on Twitter what he actually meant to say. Or more likely, after someone told him, he can't do that. But not before many of us caught a heart attack and started into panic mode. Leftover birthday beef enchilada for dinner helped to calm the nerves. Also, one of my favorites, salsa over rice.
When your entire world becomes 800 sq ft of living space, it gives you an incredible insight as to how mental illness can form. Also, this quarantine block might give us the data needed to test just how long it truly does take for humans to go feral. Its always fascinated me that the domestic pig only takes 2 weeks. Best to keep the mind active. Thankfully my lifelong paranoia has somewhat prepared me for this time. It's all about the tools in your toolbox. Books and movies are key but for many of us, our attention span has whittled down to the nub. For that reason, I honor today the almighty, YouTube. Probably the one social on-line site that gives back the most positive experience.
I'm no stranger to the benefits of You Tube, in fact it's saved me from myself in the last few years. Its been so many things actually. A way to watch my favorite artists perform, nightly television entertainment chopped into easily digestible bites. It's been an on-line school, a place to find the best spiritual lectures, not to mention all the amazing podcasts. Its been nothing short of a virtual soul asylum.
This week I have found that marathon watching skim-boarding videos can be the everything you need to bury fears and negative thought patterns from forming. Youth at the height of their craft taking on waves of impossible proportion and killing it. Subjects that always fascinated me but there was no time for, suddenly can be absorbed, like late night book cramming. A college education from the most bizarre university of You.
Unless you have a super strong disposition, it's hard to completely stay off of a news feed right now. We need to at least check in but afterwards, I recommend a minimum 30 minutes of straight funny animal videos. Talking birds are good, especially the ones that curse. Monkeys are always a safe choice. Bear close calls are my personal favorite. Cats being assholes, another solid winner. Stay away from animal attacks, it's fun for a moment but I truly believe watching negative subject matter is just as bad for the environment as throwing trash on the ground. But you have to get off the train at some point, so I advise rounding it out with a 10-minute trail cam capture. I had no idea minks and weasels were just running around at night like that!
With the same enthusiasm as a child choosing penny-candy, at night I file through my feed making selections for the queue before I go full screen, sit back and let the fun begin.
I transformed my leftover creamless ham and potato soup with edamame & sesame oil to give it some color and new bonus flavor. Mine has an indecent amount of black pepper. Gangsta rollin'!!
