Down on Pain Street, Disappoinment Lurks

Bless me Father for I have sinned.  It has been about a hunnerd years since my last confession....  This week I have fought very hard not to wish ill upon about a certain cluster of COVID out-breakers in our nation's capital.  I never thought I could be guilty of genuinely wishing grave illness upon anyone and yet that is exactly the feelings I am fighting this week.  I'm sugar coating the malice with the logic that it could save multitudes, that if a prominent figure went down then possibly so many folks would take the precautions that are needed more seriously and in turn, many good people would be saved deep hardships and loss. Further, maybe our economy could come back if we didn't have more waves of outbreaks.  But it does hit more personally than that.  I'm offended as a person dealing with all the long term effects, the constant struggle to avoid catching it again and each week waking to feel yet another oddity in my health.  Then to see blatantly obese, unhealthy disbelievers just pop out of it, after heavy doses of miracle drugs mind you but still, is so mind-bendingly disheartening.  I confess every morning I woke to look at my phone expecting to see news of a re-hospitalization.  My niece even mistakenly thought she read this was true and had texted me late one night.  Again, I didn't want to feel any tinge of happiness, so I fought the urge for excitement and when I found it was a mistake, also tried not to feel deep disappointment.  I hated the fact that I yearned for the bad news to come that never did.

Braised Country Pork Ribs with Spinach and Chick Peas

I quickly browned 4 spiced and floured large country ribs before throwing in spinach, chickpeas, sweet potato, onion and lots of garlic along with Chicken Stock and braising in oven.  There is nothing better than braising meats in the oven and I would recommend it for flavor, time saving and if you're wanting some comfort in these trying times. 

The other reason it's so hard at this particular time to stay grounded is because our New York numbers are in fact going up.  There are large pockets of neighborhoods very near and as I write this, hitting mine with increases of 5% and possible threats of another shutdown.  There are constant scares at work with folks out sick.  But the biggest, most number one reason that I am pushing back deep seated resentment for our President and his whole demonic crew is because the Only fun thing I'd probably accomplish this year was seeing my dear sister in Colorado.  We are trying to make my trip a yearly thing and fill a few days with much needed bonding and fun, festivities, outings, walks, fishing, grilling, partaking in the local culture and food.  So much good food that can only be had when foodie sisters collide.  I bought the tickets, I made plans, took off from work, saved.  Then all this hit within a week.  I feel I must cancel the flight  because it is too risky for her and I.  

Then I learn that many of these fine Hasidic Jewish folks that are causing this local outbreak are Trump Supporters, here in Brooklyn!  That his false, dangerous words of the ending virus held power, they trusted him to pull off their masks and not only that but to defy laws and rules around the city.  So much that some of their neighborhoods are up to 9%!  It's mind-boggling when you consider how they are known for taking care of their families, respecting their elders.  I love this community and struggle to comprehend their logic.  I would never take the slightest risk in infecting my sister, or anyone I love, she means the world to me.  I don't trust in the least that I cannot get it again quite easily as I don't feel it's ever gone away and here we are 5-6 months later.  But it's not political for me, its my life, it's all of our lives.  Even though my life is very simple and uneventful as compared to some, that's all the more reason why this little trip meant the world to me.  

So my question is, how does one fight natural, animal instincts to lash out when confronted with a predator?