Saturday, October 31, 2020

Was I In Your Dreams?

A full blue moon on Halloween had me fit to be tied with my usual brand of lunacy.  But thankfully, the extra that I was feeling this time came in the form of love and affection for friends and family, desire, and of course, hunger like the wolf.  I immediately dreamt of making my sister T's famous spaghetti and meat sauce with bell peppers, onions, tons of garlic, mushrooms, hamburger meat, and fresh herbs.  
I do however find myself lonely in a strange aching way, not necessarily for things I can easily pinpoint.  I miss the trusting way I feel in a familiar house.  I miss feeling easy.  When you're younger there are bountiful laughs and smiles to gorge on, until you have your fill.   I could never have imagined living without a hefty dose on reserve, like I do today.  That carefree strength you naturally carried or maybe it came in the knowing glances of like minded individuals but it was everywhere.  Now, there is an emptiness suddenly to the air, that is true.  People seem so disconnected and I notice more cold strangers than compadres.  It makes sense that if all resources are diminishing, maybe that includes love too.  Just like you can see beauty in the trees and even in grey city streets I feel like love can be found in quick exchanges with friends and lovers but it's not plentiful and sometimes leaves me so weary and weak for it.   I know it's not fair to expect it from others, begging for morsels of adoration or affection.  So it must be a sluggish mind that leaves me needing to be thought of, attaching such romance to frivolous thoughts.  And also explains how I could eat a giant plate of this good memory pasta like it was the body of Christ himself.  

Halloween neighborhood photos, some celebrational, others more serene. 

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