Tuesday, May 14, 2019

Don't Punish Me With Brutality

Do you ever get a little sick and wake up for days feeling so much less than your regular self?  You start to believe that you will never get back to 100% again.  You go for a stretch thinking this is the new you, your 40% self.  You think, boy this is much tougher to manageHow long can I exist at this level?  It's all so wearing on the nerves. When you go down physically, your mind begins to tell you stories, horror stories.  That's when you begin to understand that you and your mind are two different entities.  I'm learning because I don't want to believe half the things my mind tells me. I know better.  But my head is the only place I can go for information, right?   

Actually, no, maybe not.  You come with infinite knowledge and information and it may be that you need your mind only to interact with the physical world.  Not to say it's not my friend but it turns out the mind doesn't always know best.  It's like your good friend that has flaws but you are aware of them, so sometimes you have to ignore them.   I feel great today and am going to walk to work because my bikes in the shop.  Suddenly I'm remembering that my back has been hurting, I've felt nauseous and my legs are sore.  I have this one idea to do something healthy but like a Black Friday sale at Target, as soon as I open those doors, floods of nervous thoughts come rushing in.  You'll be too tired to work, it's cold outside (writing this in December), and worries I can't even discern but are there in big globs.  Politely, I decline all requests to stay feeling shitty and try to clear my thinking desk of all clutter before breathing and starting over. 
Back in May when the sun is shining and spring is 100%, I made this amazing Eggs Benedito I'll call it with spicy corn meal masa, enchilada sauce and poached egg.  This is restaurant worthy.  A creation of mine that I am proud of because it combines fun, festive colors with the vibrant tastes of a Mexican breakfast. 

For dinner I made a chunky version of bubble and squeak, using the potatoes as the creamy binder.  I added ham to make it a full meal with the cabbage, carrots and sweet onions.  

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