Saturday, March 31, 2018

Sometimes It Hurts So Badly I Must Cry Outloud

A Blue Moon.  Two full moons in one month.  I can't handle more emotion than is regularly allotted. I can see great sadness and overwhelming beauty in almost every view. Mind you this is whilst I'm juggling all this heavy regret and sticky melancholy.  I should have done so many more nice things for my mom years ago.  She deserved to have that.  She had given so much of herself.  And as a woman, she was exceptional.  Had she allowed her ego to thrive, she would have lead a different life. But she didn't. Why and how could I live my days as if her state wasn't of a daily concern? 
My dad pictured here going to see Davis Airforce base's largest aircraft boneyard in the world. His reflection and posture in this picture had me bawling.  At 94, I would give anything to know his thoughts at that moment?  Just seeing the photograph allows me to consider my own. And of course, it will be sad.
My thoughts during these full moons go through a process similar to endorphin injections. Everything becomes enhanced as if I have the photo filter tools built in to see life in X-Pro II or turn it down to Lo-Fi and get my heart rate so low I feel as small as a grain of sand.  Hearing is super keen and I feel my Indian sky people have hold of my arms and legs.  My energy is not my own.
Related image
My appetite is never at rest but during the lunar event my tastebuds really kick into high gear.  Ricotta, mushroom, spinach pizza slices with chili flakes.  Yes! on every level.

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