Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Everything We Are Will Never Die

On my tombstone it's gonna say: She Shoulda Rode!  I'm the first to admit somewhere along the line I lost all my spitfire.  I'm so hesitant and wishy-washy these days, it's disgusting.  I don't know if all the just doing and paying the price later in my past has made me very gun shy.  Perhaps the list of tolls have prompted the change.  It's partially lack of alcohol but you can only blame so much on liquid ambition. 
This state of perpetual ruminating and prudence rears its head in small things like riding to work in the rain.  I hate being wet, going into air conditioning and then riding back with soggy gear.  Makes sense, yes.  But there is something wild and freeing about riding in the rain and I need to git me some of that again.  I need to get my hair cut, good Lord, women do this everyday.   But no, I have to rethink it to death where I recall every bad perm and hair-don't that I had to grow out in silent humiliation.  But what about the successful bouts of risk taking?  Why can't I recall those verbatim like the negatives?  Surely there is a good argument for playing the odds.
This loaded cauliflower bake was delightful.  I would definitely recommend this option even though I didn't follow the recipe but it did give me great ideas.  I did my own take on it.
Maybe that is exactly my point.  Maybe at this juncture in life, I weigh years of proven data and see that more than likely this could end bad.  I come to the conclusion that sometimes you gotta hold 'em, other times you follow your gut and learned mistakes, pack your shit and go home.  I'm not hideous, I'm just smart.
If I was honest with myself it's always been this way except for when I wore my flyin' shoes in my 20s and 30s.  I recall hemming and hawing over my penny candy choices at Hep's Dairy store way back when.  Should I get the Tootsie Roll or the Smarties?  Sometimes I'd just toss the coin back in my pocket until a clearer selection could be made.  I'm very indecisive.  There I said it and my wounds heal so slowly.

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