Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Stop Draggin' My Heart Around

I love the thought of my days off but I don't always love my days off. I am learning to manage my demons but unfortunately, they still like to hang out just the same. In the case I get weak, they overtake the apartment just like those cold and flu germ commercials.

One way to dispel the funk is to make a good lunch for myself. Take the time to actually think about what I'd like to eat. Make it special for me. Sounds kinda self indulgent but its something I've never done. A couple of years ago my sister asked me in an email if I made good breakfasts for myself on my days off and I thought, God no, that would be strange. I eat like a hungover single man on my days off and then feel like crap. Sitting alone with my fear and loathing. hmmm...maybe there's a connection? Then one day, I did as she suggested and it felt really great. And one thing the demons hate is for you to feel any kind of contentment.
So I tried connecting the positive dots. Pasta makes me feel content. P doesn't eat pasta so I enjoy it solo in smaller portions and healthier combinations like this turkey bacon, white bean and thyme with angel hair and parmesan shavings on top. I still get my fix but have energy from the beans and vegetables for getting things done and keeping active, getting out, listening to music, taking photos, writing and anything else.
Then, by the time P gets home I keep the vibes going by making him a nice dinner. That's something I enjoy doing. I'm putting better food in his belly and hopefully in turn, he also gets a boost. All the while I'm keeping those demons down.
Chicken breasts cut in chunks and cooked in a wok with broccoli and onions, Sriracha and black bean sauce.
Some people like me have known the blues and the darkness so long, we have a hard time imagining life without everything sucking. You start to become almost comforted by it. I'll always know it and its a big part of me but it's no longer welcome to come uninvited.

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