Saturday, January 8, 2022

This Doesn't Have to Be the Big Get Even

Something snapped at work and I am now able to smile on my nemesis', most days anyway.  Instead of toiling inside I leave her and others like her, be, and more sincerely than I have before, treat her nicely, wish her well, don't take any of her shit, but also don't give any back.  It's a nice little gift from the universe.  

Actually, watching George Harrison deal with McCartney and Lennon in the documentary Get Back sealed the deal in a way.  He knew it was time he created songs in a new world of his own creation, not live in someone else's, not that it was bad - in any way, it was simply time.  He was given unique gifts as well and felt the drive to get them out into the world.  In so many ways, it was incredibly brave of John and George to get their own music out there when connected to such a cash cow, that was the Beatles.  Seeing Paul nervous to let them go, even though he held the market share of talent helped me to see everyone holds struggles, even those that aren't as apparent. 
Bok Choy and Soy noodles with Mushroom and Chicken

I've allowed myself to live in the world of some bullies at work for more years than I'd like to admit.  I didn't know how to move out of it, at times consuming me.  I thought it might be about the fight, at first.  Then, I tried ignoring their energy, as if they didn't exist but that only proved to make them more real in my head.  I found solace in other newcomers to the department, experiencing similar struggles with them.  Realizing that it wasn't just me, not personal, but a legitimate matter helped a good deal.  Maybe I didn't deserve this basement of a life.  All of the sudden, like the bottom dropping out of this spinning absurdity, all my own anger and resentment fell away that I had been carrying around towards them.  I don't feel the need to respond at all anymore.  I'm not ignoring them intentionally as before, simply allowing them to be stinky, without me, while sending good energy their way because it must be a bummer for them too.  And it's made the world of difference.  Like I've let myself out of a self made prison.  

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