Thursday, December 22, 2016

These are the Seasons of Emotion

This year I found the thought of the holidays and any celebration a little out of balance with the world and everyday life.  Each year actually the true meaning of Christmas fades in our society a tiny bit.  Or maybe it's just me but even the small niceties and little sweet exchanges from strangers used to be the real gift of the season.  Folks would open up on the street or in shops with a lovely exchange of some sort because it was 'the holidays' and that was a gesture that was appropriate but it wasn't fake, it was real.  I think people just don't feel comfortable to be welcoming to each that often for whatever reason.  I have to catch myself all the time and stifle my enthusiasm lest I be mistaken for prey or predator in public. All these signs of strength have become perceived weaknesses and that's a real pity.
Personally I tried to wave the kind flag but with all the Trump and his KKKlan  clan articles and mostly unimpressive journalism on either side, I was weighed down.  I felt heavy and grey.  Riding into work instead of seeing beauty all I noticed was bleak scenes for what seemed like weeks.   I was just barely making it to Christmas physically, mentally and spiritually.  You can see my lack of inspiration in my dinner plate, although I'll never turn down a good baked chicken thigh.  When I throw frozen peas on rice, you know I'm fighting those demons.
I stopped and paid my respects on the way to work at an old bike memorial that I pass each day by the Red Hook houses.  When I'm low I really like to dig my heels into the darkness and gloom because many times there is beauty and a weird soft comfort of sorts there.  And also I feel like okay I'm down here in the pits, let me take a look around.  Fun with depression. Put the color back in dolor.  Get drunk on your funk. Don't hurry your worry, Bump up your dumps.  Beauty is abundant and clearly visible when it's one of those glorious days but it's a nice lifting mental challenge to find it in the grey.

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