Sunday, December 18, 2016

How Can I Be Sure, In a World That's Constantly Changing

I remember a long time ago the first time I realized that my recollection of an event and actually my whole life perception was my own alone and no one else shared it.  It hit me so strangely.  Reality is pliable!?  Then I thought about it for a few days and came to terms with it. Like in the dim way a 4 year old can come to terms with anything. Okay, I thought, no one is with me all the time.  So of course they go off and see other things then when we come together again, their story would be different.  I always felt so close to and had a deep connection with my sister Rach from as early as I can remember. How could she feel differently if we were both together at the same time?  Small elements would be changed but only slightly I was sure of it.  One time we were all driving in the car, me and Rach were acting up somehow and my mom leaned back from the passenger seat sort of animated faced and said if we didn't straighten up she was gonna take off her shoe.  I'm telling you like in slow motion we both turned to face each and completely busted up laughing at the exact same moment holding our noses and screaming 'no mom, not that!!'  As I was looking at Rach, I almost couldn't tell my thoughts from hers as they were surely linked.  This happened constantly. When we got bad news like our dad telling us we had to get out of the water at the lake, we'd simultaneously grimace, always in unison and our eyes were like mirrors.  Or so I recall.   Bonding I suppose, normal in siblings that are close in age.  But in my mind, that proved we then shared those memories as one. But it proved not to be so.
I'm almost embarrassed to admit that I still don't completely accept it to this day.  I've spent a lot of time with P, about 27 years give or take. Let him tell a story and I'm like, where the hell was he because in no way did it happen like that!  Many times we have opposite mind sets on the same occurrence but I'm always shocked. Recently we watched a movie, he hated it. Although it wasn't perfect, I definitely thought it was special and worth chatting about afterwards.  Instead I had to listen to how insulted he was by it.  That feels personal.  I was crushed....for a minute.  You live with someone a long time and these situations come along and you sort of side eye each other for awhile.  In reality I'm relieved we don't share a brain but someday it will be fun if scientists discover at what exact point our impressions take left turns from each other and why.
I have stuffed many a vegetable boat and I'm sure I'll do it again.  These were yellow peppers and summer squash with red rice.  Looking at it now, it seems like an awfully large portion and I probably ate the whole thing because I eat like a horse.  If you ask P, he would agree.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Just nod if you can hear me. Is there anyone at home?