Friday, September 11, 2015

Easy to Be Hard

On 9/11 right before I rode to work, I thought, leave early.  Maybe you'll get to see something.  It was 9/11 after all and sometimes on this day you could catch a happening, or a thing.  Maybe it's a group of cops, an interaction or really, it could be anything because people are sort of hyper aware on this day.  They're more emotional.  They're more willing to share or talk to strangers.  In fact on this day it's not uncommon to just talk to someone on the street without any introduction, somehow you just are connected before you speak.  They accept it and you know it.  And I always think, wow, wouldn't it be great if everyday we all woke up this open to receiving love or good?  I admit I'm as closed as anyone, singing song lyrics on my bike or reciting lines from movies as if I'm completely alone on the planet.  I make verbal lists of things to do or get for dinner.  Other people out there are not real in some ways to me or just sort of dreamlike.  I feel connected only in that I see them as potential hazards to cut me off or run into me while they're mindlessly texting in the streets or in their own world because to them, I don't really exist either.  Drivers are trying to get to work. Bus drivers are meeting deadlines and racing and stressing and being reckless.  More and more, it feels unreal to be out of doors and that is a little troubling to me.  It's not always like this.  Sometimes I feel like I'm the ONLY one awake and noticing others so it gets lonely.  Maybe I'm finally succumbing to a condition that has already happened to most people.
It was a nice day and I caught a memorial for firefighters from a station on State Street.  It was incredibly moving and a big production.  No one was there outside of a few women and kids, possibly the families of the deceased.  I was respectful like walking into a church.  I watched and felt all the seriousness of the day again.  I felt more in tune with the air and the road and the people and the day.  I noticed a lot more than usual that day.

Another low key gathering at a station in Red Hook as I got closer to work. One of the guys waved to me and I started bawling.

I used to get scared something was gonna happen every anniversary but instead now I try to focus on that change in the atmosphere that allows people including myself to be more receptive to their physical environment.  It's super easy to tune the physical world out everywhere now, even at home.  But I hope I don't forget how great it is to allow your body to breathe in the actual moment and how good it is to talk to someone right in front of you, while looking straight in their eyes.  Both of you right there in the moment.  All you have to do is be and it creates all this energy.   It might be a great time to start a million personal wars on hate.
Take out grilled steak and corn salad from Habana to Go.

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