Sunday, December 11, 2022

The Sound of Failure Calls Her Name

Mexican Take Out - Maya Taqueria
Mexican take out food in bed on a Sunday day off.  I fought overwhelming and what I believe are unnecessary waves of anxiety about the upcoming holidays.  The travel, gifts, parties that I wouldn't attend but always attempt to,and assorted other silly worries.  Do you have those days when you're too tired to accomplish the smallest of tasks, stifled by  the stack of undone chores mounting like a giant pile of dirty laundry in your mind?  So much that it paralyzes you with fatigue thinking about it?  I didn't know it yet, but I would fail this year at Christimas due to this pre-holiday angst.  I was asked to work each day leading up to and following the holidays.  I'm someone who needs clear breaks in the action to recoup, who doesn't do well with long hauls.  In the end, I would accomplish the bare minimum, one present shipped out, a tiny artificial plant, not even a tree decorated with ugly lights and limited decorations.  No special card was produced, or sent.  
I know that's not what Christmas is really about but I do believe it's important to acknowledge and celebrate in these modest ways.  I miss a lot of people this year especially and there is loneliness in my heart for the fun and laughter we used to have together, that seems harder to come by these days. 

Nachos help. Actually they help a lot.  Especially when they come served to you in bed and you can swallow them while contemplating your silly failures and shortcomings. 

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