Lord It's Like a Hard Candy Christmas

P was gone to visit his family.  I rode to work the morning after Christmas day in frigid weather, in fact the coldest I'd ever ridden in, except for Christmas Eve, which was even more brutal that night.  I wanted to hit my record on a holiday, it seemed almost like a bucket list item.  An introvert's fight club with one suffering member.  I wanted to feel something, even if it was painful.  A retail Christmas story.  One of the good things about working in retail during the holidays is there is a short-lived comradery with coworkers.  They may feel compelled to give you little gifts out of the blue, like this lady who brought this delicious spiced drink concoction, called Sorrel and boozy cake bite, in cute little containers.  Both were so sweet I wasn't able to finish but loved them just the same.  

My bud thinks Peanuts is life and had expressed her love on the 1/8 Weekly Playlist.  She would be Lucy, by the way.

I think that yes, we can all agree that the magic of Peanuts runs deep.  I stumbled across this article that revealed I am Snoopy in the Charlie Brown universe of zodiac signs the week before and had similar thoughts.  I mean, for one I was so caught up in my stupid pre-holiday angst, I never took the time to pick out small items that might make someone else's day.  These are people I care about.  That does come across as self-centered and I guess it is except it felt more like hell not to participate more.  I get joy in doing Christmas, I just couldn't be there this year, physically or mentally.  I consider sharing traits with man's best friend a high honor and even though I always figured myself more of a Woodstock, the stars don't lie. 

P would be Peppermind Patty!

Who are you?

We Gon' Celebrate and Have a Good Time

Ham Sandwich with American Cheese on Toasted Rye for lunch

Roasted Accordion potatoes and green beans for dinner.  A dollop of sour cream and green onions post-picture brought these lackluster spuds to life. 

Pre-holiday Chipotle Glazed Ham

P was to be gone for Christmas this year. I was to stay and work through the holiday in retail because that is how I chose to live my life apparently.  Instead of feeling lonely or pathetic, I chose to observe the holiday in fits and starts, savoring the moments.  I made this pre-holiday ham to bring modest weeknight merriment to an otherwise uneventful week. An all day rainy day off was the perfect setting.  

The Sound of Failure Calls Her Name

Mexican Take Out - Maya Taqueria

Mexican take out food in bed on a Sunday day off.  I fought overwhelming and what I believe are unnecessary waves of anxiety about the upcoming holidays.  The travel, gifts, parties that I wouldn't attend but always attempt to,and assorted other silly worries.  Do you have those days when you're too tired to accomplish the smallest of tasks, stifled by  the stack of undone chores mounting like a giant pile of dirty laundry in your mind?  So much that it paralyzes you with fatigue thinking about it?  I didn't know it yet, but I would fail this year at Christimas due to this pre-holiday angst.  I was asked to work each day leading up to and following the holidays.  I'm someone who needs clear breaks in the action to recoup, who doesn't do well with long hauls.  In the end, I would accomplish the bare minimum, one present shipped out, a tiny artificial plant, not even a tree decorated with ugly lights and limited decorations.  No special card was produced, or sent.  

I know that's not what Christmas is really about but I do believe it's important to acknowledge and celebrate in these modest ways.  I miss a lot of people this year especially and there is loneliness in my heart for the fun and laughter we used to have together, that seems harder to come by these days. 

Nachos help. Actually they help a lot.  Especially when they come served to you in bed and you can swallow them while contemplating your silly failures and shortcomings.