Tuesday, December 3, 2019

And All the Joy Within You Dies!

A person can lose out so much by shining hatred on another.  Holding resentment and anger is stealing good vibes from yourself and inflicts pain on both parties.  Its all so easy to see until its happening to you and it happens to us all.  I've been in and in-between a few of these side battles enough lately to feel its a bit of an epidemic.  Talking with friends and family uncovers everyone's struggles. As i see it the anger was once love or a desire for love to be reciprocated.  Or other times, it's very one-sided, only sad because what that person believed existed in the other might not at all, or if they are incapable of expressing love it's almost worse.  Or when we misidentify other intentions for loving interest what a cruel cosmic apparition that is.   Regarding family, I feel it's most unfortunate when siblings or parents don't connect because the reward is so deep for both and everyone really if you buy into the everything-is-connected theory, which I do.  There is more at stake when you successfully recover a sibling relationship perhaps because of the value it carries in your family history and beyond.  I'm unclear on all of this but in my heart I hate to see families torn apart by conflict, especially my own.  Relationships are complicated but love never changes its composition. We're all so vulnerable and protective of what needs no protection.
We are told by our greatest teachers not to look for love, only to be loving.  That in being it will automatically bring more love into your reality.  That trying to love someone with conditions will ultimately always disappoint because no one can ever be who you want them to be for long.  I think this is true and applies to coworkers, family, friends and strangers alike.  When I stop looking at people as the cookie cutter models I hold in my mind, it becomes so much easier to accept their traits and shortcomings.  I can't always do it of course, I fail constantly but when I do, it feels amazing.  That's not to say that if you know someone is harming themselves, you shouldn't try to bring reason in because you care.  Or if someone is treating you poorly, you shouldn't speak up or get out. But I find that I have less and less desire to try to change people and in doing so my blood pressure seems to have gone down quite a bit and I feel less body pain. 
It's such a common thread. You hate the way someone is responding to you.  It's not what you want.  So you end up resenting them for it.  But they can only be who they are.  To have set outcome expectations is irrational and unfair.  And is this our idea of love, to only give it when they are who we want them to be?  Its such a good question to pose when in conflict.  I'm using it as an exercise and have been so surprised at how many times I had to check myself.
But say you don't really care for the person and just consider yourself to be a cool, loving human.  Then directing any harsh judgments or criticisms on them is not coming from a loving heart either.  Getting up in that noggin to understand where the animosity was born can truly help if it shows itself.  I'd say it was worth it for your own sake to research the hostility. Forgiveness is of course a huge step in all of this.  When the person continues to act poorly or disrespectfully, then I guess it's best to cut those strings.  But I believe you can still keep that special love you had for them in your heart because that part was real, no matter what.
I haven't always loved cooked carrots but recently found that if you saute them in a little butter with cumin, salt and pepper, let them get a little caramelized, then they shine for you in every way.  Firstly, they're a gorgeous color, bright, good for you and the taste has that hint of sweetness that is a nice surprise when eating vegetables.
A vegetarian sausage with roasted bell peppers at work

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