Come On Tell Me Who Are You?

Ice Cream treat from the new neighborhood parlor, salted caramel.  I'm trying to ignore that there is an ice cream parlor literally downstairs.  

I've been listening to spiritual leaders talk about how to harness creativity for writing or cooking or whatever it is we do.  Basically I believe the takeaway is that you cannot touch or find it, it finds you which has always been my experience as well.  Instead of trying to force it to come, waiting getting more frustrated, they say to go take a walk, do a chore, an errand which allows you to basically leave the 'search' and usually it will come around.  Then when you feel it it says to go at it vigorously and use it all up before it goes away.  First of all I love that people have deeply thought of all of this and recognize something that any creative person has already discovered naturally and that is that inspiration is a fickle little wench.  She seems to toy with us, coming mysteriously.  We try to understand how to conjure her but apparently the joke's on us as it has nothing to do with our thoughts but perhaps, our lack of thought.  When we are living our lives, innocently being in the moment she comes around and shines her light on our world.  We say there it is!  And immediately we try to get after it, all that she's brought us because it might be there for an hour, it could go away after 20 minutes.  You never know.  And I have thought before and just heard it said again, that its much like riding a wave once you do hitch onto her energy.  You may be able to stay with it for hours and what a gift that is.  What is that swell attached to anyway? Where does it exist? Is it energy, is it the actual consciousness stream that we have temporary access to like a treasured library book?

But others say just start writing and things will come, so I have to wonder how many times I've written from my ego versus the alternative.  After a lot of listening, I see that your ego really leads you down some bad roads and is a self centered, often mislead goofball.  Even though these are ideas, I do think everything I'm learning is in line with all I've ever learned and forgot but agreed with many times before.  One for example is that you are not who you think you are, that your ego is just some Frankenstein that you've built out of all that you think you are.  I'm shy or so I thought.  Maybe it's all just made up silliness. They say I choose to be shy by defining myself as such.  I've heard this before from other self-help types but looking at it from this angle of the prism makes much more sense to me.  It's not that I'm so outgoing, it's that I'm none of these things. This shy, awkward, aging, nervous Andy-stein doesn't exist. BUT, my physical avatar can display any trait of my choosing, always.  That's a whole 'nuther bird right there!

The fact that the egos plans are deeply flawed makes you wonder if it's because we need an upgrade in our software or because we don't have enough stimulus in our everyday life to keep us on track. We wander and wonder, perhaps with too much free time.  We used to concentrate on the day, killing a tiger or fishing for food, dragging a mate to our cave.  Having the time now to contemplate all these avenues is a privilege that we've turned into a curse.  Others have made a shrine to their egos and refuse to acknowledge connection with everything and everyone.  When we can create from this divine source its awesome but when real drama is created in our lives by us, it's a self-made prison of worry and anxiety. 

Roasted Whole Chicken and Acorn Squash