Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Stepping Outside She is Free

Sometimes I wake up and everything is cool except for one thing.  I can't leave my house.  The thing is that I can leave, it's just that leaving becomes such a thing that I often don't.  But a lot of times I have to know, to get food.  In that case it becomes crucial that I find a way to leave or become extremely creative with stuff I already have in the house. #frozenvegetables, #cannedbeans.  This doesn't happen on days that I work, miraculously. Well, that's not true.  I call those, personal days. It's always fun breaking in new bosses to my fun world of neurosis.  It's good for them to be taught by a professional. I've been slithering out of things for 54 years.
The weird thing is that after I literally get out of the building, it's no big deal.  I'm not scared of being outside or anything silly. I can't even pinpoint the fear's origin.  In fact it's not even a real fear, it's just another facet of my oddness. It's like my little buddy at this point.  So one would imagine that I would just bite the bullet, and deal with a bit of discomfort before leaving.  But it's not really that simple.  It is a real thing, even if the thing is an unknowable.  It's like depression.  Sure if you got yourself going and moving and maybe exercising, you can pretty quickly pop out of your funk.  I do that all the time.  But that's the key missing element...the ability to get to the getting.  Show me the getting!!! Where's that confounded getting?!  Sucks, for some of us chosen few.  Could be much worse though.
I believe this was one of those days.  I was able to crawl to the fifteen dollar store on the corner and get zucchini.  Oh, usually on these high anxiety days I mysteriously lose my ability to cook. Its as if my skill level drops back to zero.  Most times I'm lost in the kitchen and make really shitty burnt meals.  I think this is common, she says nervously. Well it occurs regularly with me anyway. So I made baked chicken and a simple tomato sauce of zoodles.  And it sucked.  But it could have been worse.  And has been. #nonpostedmeals

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