Thursday, July 2, 2015

Your Causing it to Drown

Appetite is your natural desire to fill a bodily need.  Sometimes you make fun light fare and it's great. Other times you want seriously good food, a full meal.  You want it to feel warm and fulfilling going down.  You need it to be real and hearty. Maybe because food sometimes satiates more than just your hunger. Leaving the fat on chicken once in a while is recommended and makes a good difference in flavor. This is one of those times.  The bit of fat, even if you don't eat the skin coats the roasted chickpeas and garlic and leaves a delicious thick glossy goodness that can't be substituted with coconut oil.
Most days I can float along through life and be pretty self sufficient.  I don't really need anything in particular even though there is always something that's not positive rolling around in my head.  Always some dark force threatening to steal my good vibes.  Sometimes its just the realities of true life bringing me to be thoughtful or sad.  But usually I stay pretty strong or pissed or whatever it takes to keep it all in check on the day to day. Ultimately though, I tend to surface at some point feeling very deprived of something that I cannot pinpoint.   My appetite is inflexible but whatever it is that I need or think I need is super elusive.
Maybe the fix doesn't exist because the need is all an illusion.  I've contemplated that thought lately and talk about feeling pissed.  Come to think of it, I am probably fully capable of self sabotaging my own contentment.  If you have a chance for some peace why wouldn't you give it to yourself? So my theory is that I create all this false void out of some sick neurosis. Even though it'd be just like me, this time it's a George Bush invented 'unknowable'.  I got no clue how to fill my own damn hole. Void or otherwise.
Now I'm talking to myself basically.  But isn't that what a blog is?  Conversations with ourselves that no one seems to want to have with us?

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