Monday, June 22, 2015

Another Road Where Maybe I Could See Another Kind of Mind There

I'm not consistent on this but generally, I'm a late bloomer in life.  I'm sort of counting on this pattern now as I seem to be coming in severely under average for my age in regards to success.  But that's only if you count actual achievements they pay you for.  I have mastered scrambled eggs and I finally learned how to properly make a juicy chicken breast.  I masterbate in record time and need almost zero fluff. I know that I can comatize, daydream or YouTube it for exactly the right amount of time to still get my apartment cleaned and make a meal on my day off before my husband gets home and realizes he married a lazy troll.  I recently joined the social network after years of protesting because I'd heard it was just everyone trying to show how busy and cool they are.  I haven't found that to be true at all.  I love the random sharing and unexpected food porn. I am addicted to reading stray articles about things that are of no interest to me but suddenly essential to living my life.  I still sneer a bit at sentimental stories and emotional quote posters that are meant to strengthen your spirit because I hate being manipulated to feel gooey.  Midwesterners had that emotion snipped off at birth like a circumcision.  Keeping all your spit and vinegar is essential for surviving those brutal winters but secretly we cry inside.   I am a sucker for a good cat video though and as a closet voyeur of sorts I get to peek inside the world of my acquaintances.  It's like mentally getting keys to their apartment and them saying just lock up when you leave.
People should get a welcome packet when they join Facebook and Twitter, Instagram and such.  There are some social graces to be learned.  I still stumble around a lot. Like sometimes you get all excited and start posting comments on pages then realize no one there is your actual friend.  You have clicked in way too many dimensions.
Or you walk into someone's page and realize all this other stuff about them like their love of rebel flags or Star Wars or excessive use of emojis.  Or you mistakenly look at your relative's page and it's full of hootchie videos and all kinds of nastiness.  You close the door like you're mom did when she walked in on you doing something stupid, quickly backspace out and hope they didn't notice you were there.
There should be a Facebook dictionary with names for all these specific oddities and rules.  Like what's it called when you suddenly feel the need to grandstand about a subject you just became aware of about 2 minutes prior?  I just did that regarding breastfeeding.  What are all the lost posts called that not one person liked but you were sure was brilliant and fascinating?  
I read your endorphins kick in when you hear or see you have a notification.  That's powerful. And no side effects!  I'm hoping all this Instant gratification is not like emotional fast food.  I'm sure they'll find it's bad for you in some way.  For now I'm enjoying it like an Arby's Beef and Cheddar in the 70's, with a side of curly fries as it should be and a large Coke. Blissfully ignorant.  But whether online or in real life,  I love to study people all day (the one love I still cling to in retail)  and then go make food that relates to the world.  Glazed Roasted Chicken with pineapple and leeks and smashed sweet potatoes.

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