I Got a Feeling, A Feeling Deep Inside

Sometimes things are perfectly fine, like this baked Chicken dinner served with Broccoli Rabe and creamy polenta.  It was missing nothing, delicious and warming.  A perfectly fine balanced meal.  It's just that, what I really wanted was something completely different, like baked lasagna or Calzone.  Therefore, my stomach was bored by this meal.  Not just bored but dissatisfied.

See the two new little babies growing where my cactus broke?! Time heals all wounds.

It's strange how one day this exact same meal could serve all your desires and the next, becomes too bland to placate, even making me feel a little sad for no reason.  Why does your gut crave excitement on certain days?  It needs a punch of spice or tangy tomato to stir things up in order to revive and awaken itself affecting everything including mood.  They say your stomach is as intelligent as your brain, so it does speak to us throughout the day.  If you're trying to be present, and paying attention to your body more, you start to notice the stomach is very outspoken, a real chatty Cathy.  And like a mad scientist we try to appease her throughout the day with various concoctions.  I paired this with an extra lemoned-up iced seltzer and garlic stuffed olives and those helped appease my persnickety, disinterested belly. 

Leave Your Cares Behind

On this day we celebrated celebrating.  To celebrate: to acknowledge a happy occasion with an enjoyable activity.  The occasion was that no one was dying or sick, that we knew of.  That our energy is coming back.  That weather was significantly more pleasant.  Most importantly, that we were capable of being in a happy state as opposed to feeling ill, dog tired or worse, indifferent.  The activity was ordering Korean Spicy Chicken take out for dinner and enjoying every bite.  

Crispy wontons, loaded tater tots, mac and cheese and the bestest, crispiest, sweet, spicy, hot chicken pieces ever to befall our taste buds. 

For Breakfast, bacon, hash browns and mushroom egg scramble.

New York City Blues, East Side West Side Lose

Chicken That Time Forgot

This chicken was delicious!  I remember using Hoisin, garlic, ginger, soy, honey and lemon, red pepper flakes for the glaze but have no recollection of how I made it, I believe stove top because it's a thousand degrees out.  I keep trying to think back, did I brown them first, marinate??? All memory lost.

I do recall taking my lunch break and watching this scene unfold earlier that day.  A city bus stopped and everyone got off.  They all looked as though they've witnessed something gross.  They disperse and the bus driver comes out, and stands outside.  Police arrive a few minutes later.  They talk a minute and then the two officers put gloves on and proceed to enter the back of the bus.  For those of you not familiar, city buses now divide the driver from the passengers with big vinyl curtains.  Everyone enters through the back and it's free.  This will end soon I'm told.  A few minutes later a man emerges.  They distance from him, and he seems to be arguing but they look calm.  They keep pointing as if to tell him to move on but he stays, so they talk further.  He lingers.  I think back on all this police reform stuff that I don't really know enough to talk about but I did read that in some cases instead of sending cops, some sort of social worker would come to aide in cases like this.  I'm assuming that this person has mental issues, something we're seeing so much more everywhere, as if everyone's program ended at once.  Maybe these officers have no tools except to ask him to to move on.  Maybe he took a dump on the bus or exposed himself, it's hard to say but by the looks of the folks exiting, it wasn't pleasant and the bus was taken out of order.  He looks perfectly normal, so maybe it was sexual in nature.  More rapists and gropers have made the news lately.   Maybe he pulled a Louis CK. Hopefully it was nothing that dramatic.  By the time I cleaned up and looked down again, the scene had ended. 

Standing Here On the Ladder of My Life

One Pot Braised Chicken w/Coconut Milk, Tomato & Ginger

Damn NYTimes hides their recipes if you don't subscribe so this was my version without instructions.  The ingredient list is sufficient. Ginger, coconut milk, cinnamon, tomatoes you say?  I'm so there and will find a way to make that work and I did.  Flavors for the gods!

This was pre-pandemic but I remember preparing this meal and considering the future and what it might bring.  All the while believing there is no such thing as a future.  However, interestingly enough, as I write this over a month later, the here now did bring a whole lot of change.  But the past doesn't exist either so I'm here in today wondering about such things.  More and more, I've been fascinated with the idea that without a true identity that I'm not bound to any of my past hang-ups and shortcomings.  Throughout time, I've suffered from depression but have found more recently that I can stop, breathe,  and reboot therefore it has nothing to cling to.  I recognized it coming into my body and mind on certain days, that's when I finally realized the most important fact, that it is not me.  I don't know what it is exactly but who cares, as long as it's not who I am.  And the same with a dozen other imperfections.  And it has bothered me when people remember me a certain way that I am no longer, maybe never was but had defined me as such. My past is just stories that everyone holds different memories of, so even those are just mystery interpretations that we assume are correct. Isn't it fascinating to think no one shares the exact same memory of the same occurrence?  It's gotten me to realize everyone I know, probably considers themselves to be completely different than I see them.  I've always been aware of people's essence though, their true nature.  I've felt I had a special ability to recognize souls in this way.  Maybe we all have the skill, it's just choosing to use it.  When you meet someone, it takes only seconds to make a thousand connections that seem to go far beyond the flesh and bone.  But I have also held onto old perceptions about people.  Seeing them in my mind a certain way when they too should not be defined.  But are those connections real or also something manifested in the mind?  I've always known my intuition as the only thing to be trusted.  Sure, I've been wrong before but it's become apparent fairly quick and doesn't happen too often.  I guess it's possible that someone rooted in their ego could move so far from their essence that they become unrecognizable.

Still, when I do get it so wrong I tend to revert back to ego if only for a moment to mourn who I'd hoped them to be. 

Shiitake Mushrooms and Bok Choy

Mocking the Ollie's Noodle Shop Black Mushrooms and Bok Choy dish of yesteryore from the Virgin Days of wine and roses.  I ate the hell out of that lunch special.  I don't know how they made their glazed clear sauce that tasted of chicken and salty goodness but this was close enough for me.  I savor each one of these juicy fungi.

Chicken with Lemons and Olives

This year it will be all about the one pot meals.  Browned up chicken, onion, added lemons, green olives, garlic and baked. Halfway through, added quinoa and chickpeas, chicken stock.  Where have casseroles and one pot meals been all of my life?!

You're Gonna Carry that Weight

I'm really starting to love Fall.  It was never my favorite season.  My favorite was spring.  My sister R's favorite was fall.  We often doled out specific picks for different stuff like this, band members, boys to like in TV shows, era's preferred to live in, states to live in, etc. Fall used to remind me too much of the start of school, the weather getting colder, the loneliness that seemed to overcome me when the sun started going away. 

Spring was new beginnings and blooms and green coming back and more importantly the sun coming back!  It was fresh smelling air, harsh winds turning into light breezes.  The whole mental unthaw.

Foodwise, seems like spring is the appetizer getting you prepared for the main course whereas fall was more of a side dish to me.  That is, until these last few years.  Fall has really upped it's game. With the climate change, the temps have been delightful and the sun stays out when we used to get cold rain.

We had a chance day off together and took a walk up through the neighborhood and the New York City Marathon happened to be taking place and just like many magic moments here, went directly past our area. 

What an amazing run that must be, going through the boroughs and having all the people cheering you on along the route.  Not just people, but normally grouchy New Yorkers.  Strangers.  Strange New Yorkers. Wouldn't that change it up to have neighbors giving heads up during your morning commute to work?  I could get used to that!

Even though as I write this, it's 70 degrees in mid November but on this day it was cold for the runners.  But so many people were out to show support.  When New York comes together in kind ways, it's overwhelming I guess because of how harsh and cold the overall energy usually is. 

I'm beginning to see that Fall, even though being a bit harsher than spring brings beauty too, like all these colorful changing leaves, and there is something awakening about the brisk air. 

You begin to celebrate with decorations, and holidays and food.  Baked goods come back and warm stews and big pots of soups.

I was a serious kid and took real ownership of my picks. I understood this to be a lifelong part of me that could not be altered. George Harrison was my Beatle and I loved him unconditionally, even though at the time I was tormented by Paul's cuteness and watching John perform launched some feelings deep inside me even as a child.  George just seemed nice. But I felt it essential that I discover my connection to the Beatle that was given to me.  I concluded he was quiet like me, he wasn't exactly a knock-out but had his cute moments.  He seemed passive and I could get down with that. I always thought quiet people were very intelligent but have since changed my opinion.

Maybe it wasn't until recently when sister R starting boasting her love for spring that I finally felt comfortable embracing my secret admiration for fall.   The gates of confinement had lifted!

I DO love Fall!  It's sweaters and warm blankets.  It's closing the windows and shutting out all the loud noises from the street and hearing the radiators kicking on.  Summer's so great but by this point you're saying 'enough already' and you just want the city to shut the hell up!

It's New York so there will always be a zillion things going on but finally you can pick and choose what you want to be a part of and have a bit of peace and quiet to yourself in the meantime.

Speaking of restraints, we're still on this dang diet.  Chicken strips dressed in a fat free enchilada sauce, cucumbers dressed in only garlic infused vinegar and steamed broccoli with almonds.

Pretty On the Inside

After the pizza weakness, we went directly to a healthy light meal the next night. You feel you need a cleansing after a meal like that.

I did a pretty spring green dish in the wok with chopped Napa cabbage, canned white great northern beans, steamed edemame and shredded chicken. It was pretty to look at and healthy to eat.

Salt and lots of black pepper was all it really needed for seasoning.

For a little kick we added a nice dollop of Sriracha sauce, that nice red garlic chile sauce with the rooster on the bottle. Don't have a bottle in your fridge right now? This is a gotta have it item. It tastes good on everything similar to Frank's or Tabasco sauce but better because its more bold in flavor with the garlic. Get it or regret it.