Sunday, October 28, 2018

When You're Feeling Down and Your Resistance is Low

For a couple of months this fall our restaurant at work went out of commission.  Nothing worked and we were told stories of new equipment that needed to be made or pipes that had burst.  Other folks told chilling tales of infestations and detailed accounts of rats falling from the ceiling.  Then an official statement was sent as to what to say to customers and more importantly, what they were going to serve in the staff cafeteria for my belly!  And it was good.  They would cater in food from neighborhood businesses.  My favorite being El Mexicano.  A banquet set up of all their offerings and 3 meats, including this almost sweet shrimp concoction that the kids just couldn't get enough of as well as 3 different types of hot sauce.  I had to pace myself because I wanted to do some serious damage to that bar by lunchtime.  But you live and learn.  Go slow, don't be a glutton, choose wisely and enjoy it.  Be in the moment when you're devouring this amazing dream food.  This is a treat. 
When I like something a great deal, it's hard not to obsess over it and overindulge.  Tough not to completely envelope myself in it. I try so hard.  But as you live this life, the awesomeness is less and less.  The thrills are fewer and farther in between.  What was once a fun-filled daily ride is now a grind, a tiring grind, sometimes devoid of any fun at all.  You come to realize that all those flowers along the road were not permanent.  Things from the past that bring you pleasure are treasured keepsakes that you store in your mind and bring them out to admire and adore in private moments. 
But it's sad because those things are gone now, dead for all intents and purposes from my real life.  But all the what could be's are waiting for me, supposedly.  I read that on some meme.  I still want to believe it's true but sometimes in these moments of lost faith I just see myself as walking the earth like a corpse, a shadow of what I once was or could have been.

A pizza slice is the image of hope later that night.

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