Thursday, January 26, 2017

Everything is Not Enough and Nothin' Is Too Much To Bear

An Introvert's Guide to Friendship
I am a struggling introvert.  My friends usually have major down time in their life spans. I've spent time this year concentrating on how or why I drop the ball.  In the past always believing I was flawed or needed to get right.  I find myself always scrambling to resuscitate the relationship right before the light goes out.  Because an introvert knows that the humans she finds are like fine gold and even though we can be super lousy friends, we truly cherish people.  An understatement. They are what keeps us alive. Social experiences are super rich. Sometimes I feel like my sensitivity levels are turned to 11.  In general, public involvement is in fact so potent, I can only handle in very small doses.  A good visit will last me for months.  So being the accepted definition of a good friend is an overwhelming concept that has always eluded me but I do long for it. I desperately need that connection. Spending and giving of myself is difficult though. I'm like a Cornish hen. What little real meat there is to give, although tender and delicious, is barely a single serving.  Thank goodness I've discovered we are a real tribe and this is not a flaw, simply another personality type that is less celebrated and therefore highly misunderstood in society. I can deal with that. I barely get it.
I do treasure my personal time.  Hours spent with myself doing all the stupid little nonsense I love to do is important as eating.  If I couldn't do those things, I would die or certainly go into deep depression.  That's how I refuel. But I also fiercely need interaction.  I often wait too long then get so hungry for that human connection.  Equally crucial are all the little niche friends that carry small morsels of essential traits.   Every bit is used for nourishment.
Recently I concentrated on getting a couple of key people back into my life and it was successful. I am over the moon.  It feels like the freakin' morning sun on my face again and I delight in knowing all is never lost when the will is there.  In a world of bullies you're hearing more from us lately. Crawling out of our dens to try to join forces with the smart, educated, rational people.  Introverts coming to light might be like mass whale beachings, a sign that things are off balance in the world.
Roasted Mushroom Cap and Cauliflower Steak with Spinach and Sausage.


  1. Introverts as beached whales-I love it! You are on fire right now my friend.
    Thanksgiving entry compelled me to share a story: My Dad passed a couple of years ago. Sucked. First Christmas, Mom and I decided to not be at the house and went to my sister's in Virginia. All good. Really looked forward to it. The day before I'm leaving to fly out I give her a quick call, to check in, talk about being excited to see her and the family, and of course-to my mind-start making a grocery list for Christmas dinner. Christmas dinner=Thanksgiving dinner as far as I'm concerned. At least that's how my parents did it. She then tells me that she "doesn't do Christmas dinner", it too much of a hassle, she doesn't really like the meal, kind of vegetarian anyways, blah blah blah. I literally started crying.
    Point being that I have VERY strong ideas about holiday meals. Your Thanksgiving dinner is like a shining culinary beacon calling me to come and eat it. It is my dream Thanksgiving dinner even more so than my own family's. In other words, IT LOOKS REALLY FUCKING GOOD.
    Congrats. You are my taste buds new idol. We bow before you.

    1. I am laughing so hard imagining your expression as she was breaking this horrid news. I love anyone with STRONG ideas about food!! We are truly foodie sisters for sure. I miss you so much Lis! Thank you, this one was good. I've totally fucked it up before tho. Check out a couple of thanksgivings ago when P almost drank himself to death so we had to eat like carrots for a year. No fat, no butter, no fun.


Just nod if you can hear me. Is there anyone at home?