Sunday, January 22, 2017

But She Gets It While She Can

I'm not the kind of woman who claims no regrets.  I have boatloads.  Mostly over things I didn't do.  Like take the day off to take part in the Women's March in New York.  Ironically I would screw over a bunch of women had I called out.  Selfishly I really could have used the strong positive energy the world was putting out that day.  
Women are super strong it's true.  Of course we should have equal rights, duh.  I believe firmly in reproductive rights but I deeply respect the opposition on that one point if you're coming from a faith based stance. That's about the totality of my own movement.  I honestly feel very mixed regarding gender explanation.  I think it could all use some reworking or better yet, maybe we could just teach the biology of it and leave the social and cultural distinctions to the individuals.  Sort of like the separation of church and state.  

I love the huge list of irrefutable qualities defined in my young head as male. I grew up learning all of their merits and wonders.  Men were the focus in my home.  Men ate first at our holiday gatherings. Meals were made around 'what dad likes'. There was certainly a pecking order.  If an aunt had a baby and it was a boy, we all felt some sense of accomplishment for the tribe.  If it was a girl, you just prayed she was cute. Some uncles beat their wives and it was known to the kids but you didn't speak of it, nor did you treat the uncles differently.  I secretly judged though from as young as I can remember.  I couldn't look them in the eyes without feeling such a wave of disappointment inside.  But back then you had to respect your elders, no matter what kind of shit head they were. You fetched them beers, answered their dumb questions and smiled.  Smile, smile, smile!  A big requirement from me as a young girl and something that did not come naturally.  Ludicrously, I had the natural scowl of my father.  I never could understand why it was so important?  It did not go unnoticed that this was not a requirement of any of my male buds.
I loved not worrying about what was feminine in my teens and tweens and just concentrated on what seemed natural and fun.  I was in love with my car and obsessed about my sound system quality, setting up my tunes and practicing guitar. I woke up on Sunday mornings to wash & wax, Armor-All my tires and then sit and admire the sheen.  
It wasn't until much later in life now that I finally dusted off my female kit and am learning to appreciate the plethora of attributes in my girl box.  In my opinion women experience and express emotion much deeper than most men, but that doesn't come free.  Lots of highs and lows in all that. From what I can tell, women love more openly and broader but again, leaving ourselves susceptible to a little extra heartache.  We're very mysterious and magical.  If you spend any time with a kind woman she always transforms into a beautiful creature no matter the exterior.  Certainly there are many exceptions but women aren't that selfish by nature and if I'm honest I'd have to say it's been a real constant in the men I've known.  To various extremes of course.  

And more honesty is that its sad that we actually needed such a women's march in 2017.  It's disheartening that we as a whole did not completely reject and shut down all the negative rhetoric and nonsense that created it.  But here we are, all back a few dozen steps in our collective negative progression.  

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