Excuse Me While I Break My Own Heart Tonight

I'm like the troll under the bridge that lays silent until someone comes along and rattles my chain. Then I awake to my own inner turmoils and undomesticated thoughts.  I don't connect with many but when I do I get attached easily and I get my feelings hurt like a child. I'm paranoid and often think people are thinking the worst or trying to screw me over.  I like comedies and laugh all the time except when nothing is funny.  I like old buildings and photos and often feel I am living in the wrong place and time.  I'm so happy to be here but most times I keep that to myself too much. I get down so badly I think I'll surely die from blue. I like to cook food that you'd call fun or pretty or exciting. I like to make food that reminds me of people or good times in my life. I like to remember when someone I love is fond of something, like peas or cauliflower.  I keep these things in mind when preparing a meal for them. Some meals make me think of my sister who I miss dearly and wish was closer. I confuse easily and sometimes waste full days just daydreaming.  Sometimes I create and believe I just might have some talent if I would apply myself. I want to think the best of people but often think not because it's true, just that it might help.  I pray first for people I think need it most and then those I miss or love and then myself. I almost never pray for anyone I don't like.  The day I made this meal was a great day. The day I write this post is a rough month. If someone were to tell me something beautiful I just might fall over backwards. I feel like someone's breaking my heart every morning I wake up and I am my only suspect.