I'd Pay the Devil to Replace Her

Graham Masala Chicken

Now she's gone but I had an incredibly giving, helpful, insightful coworker that guided me in so many ways.  She is a mother of two special needs boys.  She was from Ghana. Her mother was our drill sergeant lunch lady in the staff cafe for years.  But most importantly, we became compadres despite our differences.  She was getting her Master's while working at this retail store and has since graduated and recently moved on.  Like retail these days, there was no fight or offer for her to stay.  After years, if you choose to go, they practically hold the door open for you.  But the gifts she left us with will keep giving.  She made charts and graphs like nobody's business.  We bonded when I told her my goal in life was to get through it without learning Excel. She frequently came in with handmade cards and what I called Scooby snacks, healthy treats for the crew. Or she would pass along higher learning free classes online, all kinds of helpful links. She was insanely considerate, a trait I lack but hope one day to master.  One day, as she knew I loved to cook, she brought me these spices along with Graham Masala as she knew it was hard for me to find it.  

She also knew my love of indian curry yet I had to use it sparingly as that love was not shared in this union.  She said using these three together would bring a unique flavor and tone down the turmeric odor.  

I found this good starter recipe and it was the best thing I made all month.  The lemon condiment at the end was lifegiving.  With any spiced meat, a zippy condiment is the icing on the cake, it's the happy dance of food.  A lemon-y yogurt sauce would have been awesome as well.  Cauliflower was replaced with broccoli but it didn't ruin the vibe. 

While it was cooking I served myself a bowl of yesterday's homemade mexicali chili with corn, black beans and tomatoes.  This time with no heat added, just an enriched, hearty bowl of love.  With boxed biscuits.

When people move on in their life, you lose them in yours and that loss feels like an echoing ache.  If it's best for them, I try to be happy for them while silently mourning and patching that hole left in my heart.