Sunday, January 1, 2023

And You Might Feel Pain from It or Gain from It

If reality is some mental construct and nothing is real, that we create people to interact with us in the world, then this year I found some interesting glitches.  One gal pal from work is plenty vibrant, jumping into the frigid waters of life quite literally, celebrating sobriety and the upcoming New Year of possibilities.  She joined the Polar Bears at Coney Island on New Year's Day.  She is loud and vivacious and has a laugh to wake the dead.  One can't get a word in edgewise in conversations but she does entertain and I always think about her words afterwards.   You can't tell her anything and I suppose that is much like myself.  She mocks me for trying to make things sound positive when they are shite.  I tell her my outlook shifted not for fun, but for survival. I am searching and always have been, as so many of us but I'll die staying complacent or worse, complaining incessantly without change. 
New Year's Day played hooky from work and made easy, quick strombolis with store bought pizza dough.  One with cheddar, broccoli and sausage. The other, Ricotta, sausage, mushrooms and Mozzarella with a marinara dipping sauce. 
Shrimp Diablo Nachos

Using another shortcut, I cooked the cut up shrimp in 1/2 a jar of my favorite store bought salsa and only added garlic. I put the chips and cheese in a hot oven for a short time, then added the shrimp on top and garnished before serving. 

P's Bloody Mary
My other coworker friend is also boisterous and calls everyone Dah!ling but has become depressed (while apparently keeping a good enough sense of humor, per the photo above) about her life, her living situation, husband, family.  She wants to go back to her country.  I feel at times lately I have become her enemy in that I bring out so much anger and rebellion in her.  I tend to remind people of their mothers but not in a good way, which is confusing for me as well as so far have felt no maternal instinct whatsoever.  Suddenly, after only positive banter for years, she now thinks I represent rules and rigid confines, which to me is ludacris.  She has outright yelled at me recently at work. She mirrors these traits that I don't identify with in myself but trust they must be true, at least for her.  Have I created this?

Why would anyone conceive players that are almost resentful of the main in a self constructed environment?  

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