See the World Spinning Round

On Friday, June 26th I woke up and spiraled into the bedroom door with a loud thud.  I've been known to do the Frankenstein walk at night, attempting to move before I'm truly awake with jerked, awkward motions, but this was different.  Instead my head spun as if I was simultaneously falling into a void.  I was able to regain my composure fairly quickly and we sort of laughed it off, although I felt fluey and feverish all morning.  Honestly, I was almost embarrassed to be ill again, so I had 'the talk', a pow wow with the mind, saying to buck up or shut up.  I went in to work that afternoon, in swelteringly heat begrudgingly working the night shift while fireworks and violence lurked.  I've grappled with the fact that physical activity was proving to bring on intense new back pain that I learned was my sciatic nerve after show stopping lightning bolts began hitting me out of the blue bringing me to my knees at work, no exaggeration.  For that, I began doing back stretching exercises.  I felt off all day, but decided to hide behind the mask and just get on with it, try to blend in with the healthy and stable.  After we closed I got a call from a nice manager who said that only one guy was scheduled to pull in the carts and desperately needed our help.  At first, I was excited for outside work just as a change of pace.  The walk through the store to gather the 2 other gals to help proved to be exhausting somehow so by the time I got outside I had tripped twice and was sweaty and winded.  Get in the game girl, you're up for this! I learned the process was gathering all the carts from the parking lot, sanitizing them, bringing them to the service elevator in 4 rows of 17 and then loading them in, then wheeling them out in what I saw was very sharp angles to the floor, meaning you had to herd them right off the elevator instead of pushing out straight.  Sounded kind of crazy so I looked to another manager for a reality check and she confided in two back surgeries and was also leary of such a strenuous task.  Retail is hurting, so you want to help but you have to protect yourself because they are so desperate right now.   There were hundreds of carts, multiple trips and it was humid and 90 degrees.  I started with 5 or 6 carts but realized it would take all night to gather them all from our huge lots.  Pushing a huge row was more energy efficient but I'm barely able using all my leg strength.  I sanitized for a while to get my breath and then helped to guide them back in off the elevator, which threw my sciatic pain into overdrive as it required a sideways pull.  I had to stop, it was too much.  I told the manager and then realized I was off in 5 minutes.  We had done this for an hour and a half.  I changed and stood outside, considering calling an Uber, but the rate was too outrageous.  I sat at my bike talking myself into accepting this task.  Slow and easy, we can do this.  We can even stop I said if it gets weird.  It's the best way, it'll be 10pm soon, so best to get on with it girl.  I made it home and walked up the steps to the door the way you do when you come home sick and need to hit the bed.  But when I did the bottom dropped out of the room and I began spinning out of control and my eyes could not focus on one thing.  My head weighed hundreds of pounds suddenly and felt it was pulling me to the right.  Oh gosh, I'm going to be sick, vomiting sick.  What is going on??!  I could barely relay what I was feeling but knew my body had taken the wheel.  I thought I had been drugged because I wasn't coming to but was coherent enough to think back on where I had left my water bottle all night.  I had to leave the sales floor several times so it was exposed.  But how unlikely was that for someone to drug me?  We barely had customers.  Heat exhaustion made more sense but it happened to me that morning, before all of this.  P thought it Vertigo which would become apparent the next several days upon waking and the doctor would later confirm in a visit.  Vertigo, something I always considered a movie made up condition, like amnesia.  The doctor says concerned but almost as if he's talking to a pal, that Vertigo and back pain are something very commonly being reported in those who came out of COVID-19, thinking they were in the clear and then suddenly here come many new lingering symptoms.  I knew it too, that it was COVID related.  My body hasn't been right yet since I'd come back to work a month ago and you can feel it when someone or thing is in your house, this uninvited guest.   This virus is different, in so many ways and I feel like New York is learning the lessons for the rest of the country that may be helpful.  But I can see how it will be difficult accommodating thousands of people that recover and then have these setbacks that may be permanent or reoccurring. 

I came back to the surface 7 days later and made this sandwich.  Food, only for this week, had become a necessity and not a pleasure.  Heat and nausea call for simple, easy, non-photogenic meals.