Friday, June 8, 2018

Haven't Got Time for the Pain

Moreso than any other, this year I've been blessed with an introverts version of a multitude of friends and family visiting here in Brooklyn.  Tim a coworker bud from Virgin Megastore days came out and we had a walk in his old neighborhood and interesting Mexican food from Mezcal's in Prospect Park.  The food was not a great representation of how far the city has come in this cuisine but it was tasty enough.  Also it was a spot that he remembered fondly and that's always a bonus to creating a good setting.
It was a warm almost summer evening so with the climate change that meant after a short walk, unbearable sweating ensued.  We sat outside and filled in some gaps in the decade or so that had passed.  Mainly its fun to go back and remember funny things that we could recall about being in the store, working with all those cool people. In the end it's always slightly sad to recall the past in order to enjoy the present, however in order to feel at all comfortable I almost need to do it.  If you don't reactivate those memory neurons then you're sitting there with a complete stranger.  I assume many folks can just pop in and have lunch without all of this psychological trauma.  But for me when someone wants to meet up from the past I get thrown into a mental closet full of dumb shit I've done, tossing things around frantically, looking at dates.  Much of my past is not sewn together.  I used to store things in there never to be looked at again.  I won't recall them but someone else might.  But time also dissolves some of the insignificant faux pas. 
This particular person knew of all the details of a situation where I ended up getting a restraining order on a coworker and unfortunately he was fired as a result.  At the time I had tossed this incident in that closet not knowing what to feel about it.  But after talking it through with a clear head, I was comforted that I did the best I could at the time.  I was scared, it felt dangerous and I couldn't take the chance.  Unrequited admiration was turning resentful.  My breaking point was the look I got while telling this person to quit following me and then him refusing.  One I won't easily forget.  I ran through Times Square that night!  Literally running.  That becomes real, real quick.  I felt bad though, then and now but I was fearful enough that I walked to that precinct and filed a report after work the same night. 
I should say I had a great time actually and I learned a bit about how I was perceived at a time when I wasn't giving enough attention to it. 

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