Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Baby Won't You Keep Me Happy?

Admittedly, this could look much better visually but I didn't have time to let it set before serving it up.  This was an after work quickie.  Zucchini Lasagna with sausage baked in a light tomato sauce with lots of garlic and basil, green bell peppers and onions.  Just a bit of real mozzarella on top and Parmesan to finish.  All the layers of thin peeled zucchini absorbed the sauce and kept it's silky pasta like texture during baking.
Someone posted about their soul mate the other day, the struggle in 'finding' them.  I find myself so bothered by that term and annoyed by some people's ideals about love.  But I ask myself why?  I am in love and should add the word still, since it's been over 25 years.  I found someone who continues to be an even better friend each year.  I find him compelling and mysterious. I learn from him and he still amazes me quite often.  I respect areas where he is a better person than me.  He's definitely smarter in several ways.  When I met him there was a ton of electric energy and I felt all of those things that make you feel crazy in love.  And through the years there are several new layers of admiration and affection.  It's all very pleasantly surprising.  I don't take it lightly.
So why am I so down on romantic notions of singular spiritual partners floating around out there for each of us?

For one, the science doesn't add up.  Geographically speaking that would mean impossible odds of finding yours.  The world is big.   Just too many logistic obstacles to this theory.  Nope, nope, nope.  But my main quip is probably with the fairy tale imagery itself.  The one shining person that comes in your life and has all this power.  It's creepy.   I do heavily believe in chemistry though.  When I walked into the record store that my now husband worked in a million light years ago, I felt like I'd been hit by a mack truck.  Every bone in my body had to make contact with this person.  Didn't feel like a choice. I was giddy and dizzy for months and months and also felt a little sick for years.  I was in love.  I've felt similar chemical reactions before.  I was dead wrong more than a few times.  I once trolled a guy that worked at Tower Records for about two years simply because he looked like a young Neil Young.  He wanted nothing to do with me.  The closest I got was luring him two doors down to check out our promo room at Leopold Records in Berkeley.  I sat paralyzed listening to his very soft super effeminate voice as it dawned on me the object of my affections was not straight, nor was my blind heart going to turn him anytime soon.  That crush lasted about two more long months and then it died a sudden death.
I guess the difference is that I believe love between two people is a constant conscious choice.  You do need the initial chemistry, that mysterious, magical element of unknown origin.  That must remain true as in real.  Real, not formed from some fabled notion involving perfection.  We must continue to work with it, like dough, monitoring the levels, kneading it, letting it rest.  In other words, this is a live thing, this love stuff.  Just like faith.  Your partner is choosing you over and over each day as you are them.

But then again, this just might root from my childhood resentment of anything Disney as I never got to watch any of the movies.

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