Sunday, April 21, 2013

My World Is Empty Without You Babe

My two days off often happen during the week now, separate from P's during the weekend. Look, I'm not one of those girly girlfriends that needs her man around. I've always loved living alone and having all my personal time. I have my projects and for some strange reason truly enjoy myself even though I'm my own worst enemy. But somehow along the way and through the years I've changed up slightly. The thing is I don't need or even want P to be in the same room with me most times. He's too distracting and tends to have too big of an energy or presence for me to remain in my little zen mode. But he has got to be in the apartment somewhere in order for me to really enjoy myself and truly relax for some unknown annoying reason. Hopefully that doesn't sound too pathetic. On my first day off - no problem. I get all my chores and errands done, I clean up and have some alone time, writing, reading, zoning out, whatever. But then the 2nd day off is on varied days of the week. They're inconsistent and I notice I don't do great on those days. Two days off without time spent doing fun things that sometimes can only be done together really bites. That's too much time spent thinking. Too much time hearing the internal voices in your head putting a negative spin on just about every area of your life until you just can't bear it. Angst, nervousness, dread and other assorted phobias take over and pretty soon what should have been a great time to just kick it at home turns out to be a spiral staircase down to kookoo town. For me. Like with all my crazy, I try to self-manage. Idle hands are the devil's workshop? My simple fix is to keep it moving, cook something, write something, draw something, take pictures. This day I found a good recipe from the Neely's for a turkey meatloaf and it was fab. I also roasted my beets and served them with lemon vinieagrette, garlic and olive oil. I still can't believe how good those are and so simple.

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