Sunday, August 5, 2012

One Thing I Can Tell You Is You Got to Be Free

I can't decide. Am I an idiot, a lonely woman or the luckiest person on the planet?! My husband slash boyfriend writes songs and practices playing guitar every night of the week in his little room. This leaves me with my nights free to do whatever I wish. Sometimes I want him out here even if I'm not doing anything. Sometimes I miss talking to him at length about little stupid stuff. Sometimes I feel guilty because after I get off work I don't want to do anything except eat and loaf around but the fact that he's in there toiling away makes me feel inadequate. So I lollygag in shame. Other times I don't even want him to walk through to use the bathroom because I'm busy doing my thing and even the slightest interruption feels like such an intrusion. I might be writing something or cooking an intense recipe or reading over cooking methods or uploading or taking photos, drawing, making cards, emailing, making a collage, in other words, my stuff. When I'm doing my thing I don't like disruption, even for a kiss. But I don't have a closed door to my 'work space' like he does. I can't close the door. I don't pass-by while he's in the middle of a song or knock on his door just to say hi.

But what I do get is the rest of the apartment while I've squashed him into a tiny 5' x 7' room. It does have a window! It's actually a great set-up and really when he does eventually come out I realize that my thoughts of him are many times better than the actual experience. When he comes out he's hungry, so he eats quickly and then usually needs downtime to relax on the computer and then falls asleep. I'm just a bystander in a way slash waitress. He's a really good person but lets face it, men are men and they tend to be a bit of a handful. They're messy, say inconsiderate things, are a bit rowdy and unruly. I love P with all my heart but he'd be the first to admit he's a little alot, selfish as I've found men to be as a general rule. Maybe its just the crowd I hang with but it might be a natural trait. I've never trusted a doting man actually so maybe they're out there.

So maybe its a very good gig I have here. I can't quite decide. I made a turkey pizza burger tonight with mozzarella and turkey pepperoni slices alongside an Italian salad of cucumber, radish, squash, onions, tomatoes and peperoncini peppers. And I ate it in peace and quiet while watching a Netflix movie of my choice AND it was raining. Life is good! I think.....

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