Thursday, September 29, 2011

You Don't Know What You Got (Until You Lose It)

I learn lessons over and over which may really mean I never learn my lesson. Another flaw in my vast imperfectness. I thought today that if I appreciate or like something I better enjoy it while it lasts. Not only that but cherish it, take care of it, and acknowledge it. How many times have you heard that but when the something goes away you really get it.
The summer went away and I feel like I barely even knew it was here. I didn't go out and enjoy it much like previous years. I didn't even swim this year. Not only am I the food monkey but I'm the freakin' Mexican mermaid ferschrissakes yet I barely dipped a toe in water.
I used to could be cute. By that I mean I'm not traditionally pretty or beautiful or anything but I had my days where if I worked at it, I could be cute. Not every time and certainly not for very long but it did happen. I don't feel cute anymore ever even when I put effort into it. I certainly don't wake up looking cute. I look like hell!

I had a window that I used to dream out of. It faced a building that had these big glass windows but no tenant which was great. I took a bunch of pics of this building and I really liked it. Why I don't know. Now a whole team of guys are working hard to brick it all up and even build another story so it even screws up my other view that I love even more of a cool building down the street.
Not only is my dream window and view gone but also my freedom to roam around inappropriately dressed with the shades open.

I actually did appreciate things I had and now that they're gone it doesn't make it much easier so what's the real lesson here? Probably that good shit stops happening if you're even lucky enough for it to have happened at all. So deal with it, suck it up and add it to the pile of other shit that sucks and stinks and is so hard in this god forsaken world. Don't get me wrong by the way, I'm a happy person just too damn observant for my own good.

I made a great grilled cheese with ham and tomatoes just like I used to eat with my friend H at our favorite diner near work where I used to have a great high paying position that I hated and where I occasionally looked cute.

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