It Feels Like I'm Dying, I'm Never Gonna Live Again

Once in a great while you get your ass kicked so hard that you don't even remember when you weren't walking around feeling all weak and wounded, lost and limping.  Do I have soot on my face?  Is there blood pouring out of anything?  Was I ever cocky and confident...what they call strong in the world?

I fell on my face awhile ago now, metaphorically speaking that is.  I'm pretty sure that's not fatal but it does feel like I'm dying sometimes.  The slow humiliating death of my ego.  Good riddance in many ways.  Who needs it?  Always got me in trouble in the past, back when it had a leg to stand on.
Its sort of a relief to realize just how unimportant I am in this big wide world.  I must have convinced myself of something otherwise before.

This is an updated, 2016 version of my famous taco bowl.  Assorted food in a round curved vessel!  Nothing better.  Whole grain brown rice, charred zucchini chunks, baby corn, newly homemade hot sauce, seasoned ground turkey, fresh onions and sharp white cheddar.  Certain things together can make magic in your mouth.  Something about high heat cooking the zucchini chunks bring out some otherworldly flavor.  I learned this while eating at a Japanese restaurant with my brother this year.  The great thing about cooking is learning those small techniques.  Little aha bubbles to store for later.
Usually I love bold bright colors on my plate.  Not today.  Today I wanted muted yellows and subtle shades of beige, just the slightest touch of green. Nothing harsh, nothing sudden, nothing hard.  Some heat.  Just enough to treat my lacerations....quietly and alone.

Life comes at you fast not unlike the commercial.  And it's comforting to land on a soft just-ripe avocado halve with just a little salt and black pepper sprinkled on it when you fall from that harsh blow.