When You're Around My Life's Worthwhile

Salisbury Steak over Smashed Sweet Potatoes

I love Chef John of FoodWishes.com and this is his recipe  He has a variety of You Tube instructional videos and has a no nonsense approach.  I've learned so many great tips from watching him.  I've also started dating a new site called Sip and Feast, a good Italian food channel that shows how to make many pasta favorites.  The chef is a dad of two cute kids that taste test his food at the end and give ratings.  Somehow these kids have managed to stay authentic and unrehearsed and are genuinely young foodies.  And Jim, the chef is from Long Island, a magical place where many a good friend has been born.  In lieu of real people, they have become my friends at night before I go to sleep.  When I watch a chef spicing and cooking their own dishes, it provides enough essence that I can then try to re-create the recipe to be similar if not correct.  It's like watching the movie without reading the book.  The detailed recipes are best if you want to make a classic recipe.  Simply seeing the ingredient list can be enough for me on occasion.  After all these years, I can only make a short list of standard recipes.  Maybe that will be something to work on going forward, however the most fun is when you get to play with your food and invent and create.  

September Gurls Do So Much

This was an end of summer type day when you feel the Fall season creeping in.  That slightly spooky chill in the air, the cloudy less sunny days and something you can't pinpoint that makes you want to lay in bed all day and feel the soft sheets on your bare legs.  A day off, a bed stay day, the best kind.   I got up only to chop and prepare a comforting corn chowder made in the Crock Pot. Potatoes, corn, carrots, celery, onion, cabbage, chicken bouillon, almond milk,  bay leaf,  low and slow for 6 hours. 

Had to add ground beef.  Had to.  And then a dollop of yogurt to finish with tons of black pepper. 

It's creamy delicious, lighter than a dairy based chowder with all the comforting mother's womb feel. 

Earlier a trip to the post office brought a side snack of nuggets and 1/2 a cheeseburger from McDonald's. 

 Crock Pot Corn Chowder

You Know I Just Woke Up and I See the Way

I put P's slow cooked pork to good use with these soft shell tacos.  I pickled the onion and cabbage and even though the peach pico cruda was great, these still needed a sauce.

My Cali friend texted me a picture of exactly what I realize now these tacos needed, her creamy Cilantro Dressing drizzled right on top!  The beautiful thing about tacos is, if we're lucky there is always a next time to attempt taco perfection.

Lisa'a pic!  Mmmmm!!! Creamy Cilantro Lime Dressing Recipe

And Now I Long to See Your Smile

Spinach Mushroom Salad from Lean Crust Pizza

I found this unwritten post saved in my drafts and since I've been remembering sweet Mona the cat all week, I decided to honor that dear little girl with some thoughts of gratitude.  I had been writing all day in the winter and she lay with me in various states of relaxation.  Who could ever be sad seeing her little rabbit feet straight up in the air like that?!  She was such a joy, just watching her sleep gave the sense that everything was right in the world and now as I learn about staying in the present moment, I see that's exactly right.  Stopping thought and watching her peaceful sleep was my entrance to contentment.  I remember feeling so privileged to live with this gorgeous creature and now I recognize that her whole being was a pointer to the present.  A constant reminder that everything existed right then in that moment, the one we were in.  When she showered me with affection, I almost couldn't take it.  I felt so unworthy because an animal's attention is incredible and thick with all this communication we don't yet understand.  All cats have their unique presence and hers was a bright, innocent, childlike spirit.  I miss her so much but I do believe that spirit lives on somehow in the world, that only her body gave out.  Of course no one knows for sure,  but I maintain death frees the spirit up to enter a new vessel of it's choosing. 

I chose my belly to store these frozen tamales I found on Amazon.   

For Some of Us It's Not a Good Time

Could I mention just one more time how incredible home made hot sauce is for soups and stews.  I don't reckon there is anything quite so fortifying as a cup and a half of my mom's hot sauce added to your pot.  But you could adjust the type of hot sauce to the meats and vegetables in your soups. A nice chile verde would be great with pork for example.  Some ingredients are magic in unexpected places.

I work with a girl that has Asperger Syndrome.  According to her that and a couple of other conditions.  The contractors call her awkward.  She's excellent at her job, very detailed.  I begrudgingly learn a lot from her.  She's very interesting to say the least but it's never how you might imagine.  You think you know conditions but it's always so much more complicated and deeper then anticipated.  Just like with dementia, Asperger's is multi faceted.  She curses a lot and sometimes speaks very loudly in front of customers going on about how she can't take it anymore.  She is socially awkward as the contractors observed but in a customer service situation she can sometimes surprise me.  First of all, I don't think she's ever messed up an order, and we have a pretty crazy intricate system.  Who can succeed in customer service without issue?  I think the answer might be only lucky schleps and people with Asperger's.  Recently she had a Russian family that came to the wrong location for a planning appointment.  Generally speaking Russian's are great people.  They may appear gruff and loud at first impression but they have no pretenses and get straight to the point.  When they come wanting to buy a kitchen that's exactly what they aim to do and although they may not understand all the procedures, they are serious buyers. She was adamant to proof that they were wrong when they insisted they made the appointment for our store and went to extreme measures to prove she was right.  While all this was going on I was dealing with a problem customer and our other coworker was also in a sale but we were paying close attention because it felt like any moment, one of us should chime in, take over.  This has happened about a hundred times by the way, angry people and a situation elevating quickly.  We all have our unique problem solving skills and flaws. Our coworker's voice was matching the high levels of the upset customers.  When all of the sudden out of the blue she says slowly and with intent,  'I want to start over.  Yes, you are at the wrong location but I will take you as a walk-in.  Can we start over?' And just like that everyone calmed their shit down.  It probably took them a bit of time to trust her but soon they realized she was great at what she did.  Problem solved.  Because she lacks some emotion, she is able to stabilize at the drop of a hat.  The rest of us morons have to go through hell to get right after being so upset.  Our hearts racing and egos shattered. Even the best of us might move forward, operating based on resentments and stubbornness.  But she is able to clean the slate and it's genius.  Coincidentally and again, generally speaking this is a trait that I have noticed that also exists in the good folks of Russia. 

It Feels Like I'm Dyin', Never Gonna Live Again

Sometimes I consider suicide.  I'm sure other people do too and probably more often than most admit.  I feel in life you should give every idea some thought.  Some say it's the worst thing but in fact the absolute worst things are much worse.  Killing kittens, slapping a baby, tripping the elderly or harming anyone is more extreme. I don't like to think about how I'd do it, that's way too morbid.  And as soon as I think of anyone being sad about it, I stop.  I guess I believe it's selfish and irresponsible.  That's such a Catholic thing, guilt for feeling depressed.  It's as if we can't let ourselves enjoy even our worst emotions in peace.

In examining the concept, I have discovered similar to using a method of playing super sad music and slowly progressing to happy tunes, really digging in and contemplating suicide can be very therapeutic. First you start off hopeless and feeling like nothing you could ever do will help your situation.  Let your mind go limp, it's over, nonsense stopped.  Fully decide to quit living and be good with that. Then for however long it takes, picture yourself completely gone.  Everything in your world evaporated.  No more access to your things, all that horribleness you thought to leave behind no longer exists.  Turns out that's not such a great feeling after all.  Nonexistence is blank.  Eventually with nothing left of yourself, you begin imagining others, the people in your life sitting with their grief and that is also not good.  You're sad already, the last thing you want to do is make people hurt.  So this begins the slow climb back up the emotional ladder.  Its simple math or something.  You just can't do it.  It's never the right thing. Nothing is so bad as to equal self induced death.

Basically if you were just considering death, after that it's all pretty much up hill.  Life isn't so bad if you take all possible pressure off yourself. All you have to do is just breathe and take the next step. 

Today's troubles are enough for today.

Sometimes it feels like every single thing is connected. If all that matters is that I don't off myself, then certainly the burden of creating an amazing dinner is lifted as well.

P was out of town so I made Cincinnati Chili with leftover spaghetti and meat sauce.  It's surprising how quickly one can transform into the other with a bit of chili powder and Cheddar Cheese.  My first portion had the noodles separated from the sauce and cold cheddar on top as it should be.  The next helping I just schlepped it in the pan on high heat.

Won't You Tell Me What You're Thinking Of

I'm almost embarrassed to say how much I concern myself with the evils of the internet and just how much and fast it's changing society.  This documentary fed some of my worries on sharing so much.  But more than that I can't help but notice the shift in my own house.  Even in just myself.

I remember in San Francisco I had a friend that used to talk to strangers and play video games all night on her computer.  I thought, 'Wow, why would anyone ever want to do that?'.  That was very new and unusual.  Little did I know how it would become the norm.   I traveled on transit to visit this couple in person a couple of nights a week. I looked forward to sitting on their sofa, having real and long conversations. We would drink some tea and make a night of it.  That was living my life back then.  Now several years later but only 3 short years into social media I am not comfortable with interacting through the internet completely but also reluctant to be off of it entirely.  All the pictures and videos of nieces and nephews, old friends is way too awesome to leave behind.  I don't have the schedule or wherewithal to do in-person visits except on special occasions so it's super convenient if nothing else. But it does come at a price, virtual reality is not free. There is an under belly.  Or I should say it's just as complex as maintaining relationships privately. Perhaps more so because it's only in your mind that activity is taking place through computer visuals.  So strange.  It seems to grow a life of it's own.  I now have bursts of energy to join Twitter because I'm sort of forming thoughts in short hilarious quips lately.  It seems an appropriate vehicle to get them out of my system.  But other days I feel the strong pull to close any and all accounts.  Get back to solely living in the present world that you can touch and feel.

I baked shells in the oven until crisp and then topped with black beans with cumin, guacamole, onions, lettuce and cheese.  So much better than expected.  How many times do I have to be reminded that beans are an excellent meat replacement?  So filling and they stick to your stomach in a good way.

I guess in it's own unique way Facebook and Instagram is an effective way to continue our youthful banter and communicate thoughts with the same vigor that we had while visiting our friends over tea or lets be honest beer and drugs so many years ago.  The way you felt so alive in a roomful of your friends talking and laughing before it all got so complicated and serious.  Before everyone got so old.  Before separation happened on the grand scale.  Real life is still so much better and my closest family and friends are actually not on any media, so this cheese still stands alone for the most part.  But all in all, today at least just like these beans, I believe it's still a healthy supplement to enrich one's days.

'Cause I Know What You Lack and I Can't Go Back to That Now

A mushroom spinach ricotta after show slice from Lean Crust

Jason Isbell & the 400 Unit, with James McMurtry opening

I learned tonight that I like Jason but I don't love his music.   I thought I did, maybe it was an off night.  Maybe it's me.  He's funny as heck though on his Twitter. All I know is that I hardly ever want to leave a live show, no matter who's playing.  The venue was gorgeous and we were in a great mood.  My doll had bought us tickets for this special show and we cabbed it over all excited.  We've waited for someone fun to play this theater. The music just didn't move me.  Plus when someone writes a bad song, it's hard to ignore if they don't have dozens of great songs to wash away all the wrong.  You know when you hear words that suddenly turn your support for the music at a live show?  Now you're standing in a crowd feeling that awkward emotion.  You look around and turn on the people who all seem to be enjoying this shite.  He sang a song called Anxiety off the Nashville Sound album.  Too literal for me. Something just didn't work but not only that, it pulled me way out of my good time.  I just couldn't get back in the groove after that.  What I did love was his guitarist, Sadler Vaden who lit up the stage with his effortless fills and leads.  Thank you for saving that night.  Jason's voice is undeniable in some songs though and I did enjoy Cover Me Up quite a bit.  I'm only pointing out that words are powerful. 

James McMurtry had the worst sound and his bass player couldn't fix his issues the whole show but I really enjoyed his set and story telling.  That man knows how to write a great song.

King's Theater in Brooklyn

Morning Chilaquiles

Really tasty but not exactly right either.  I needed more fresh roasted hot sauce. So they didn't get to soak in sauce, only take a quick dip.