Sunday, August 21, 2016

Pools of Sorry, Waves of Joy Are Drifting Through My Opened Mind

No grill.  Just a few chicken thighs baked in the oven to mock real BBQ chicken.  I love the look of this plate because of the colors and with the black rice, it almost seems unreal-.
Had another end of the world dream the other night.  I'm very lucky or not depending on how you feel about these things but I do have them quite frequently.  They're never the same but have similarities, always incredibly intense and powerful.  Something brilliant in the sky, like thousands of UFOs emerging suddenly, a bomb or nuclear explosion that I see with a thousand eyes at once.  And a deep knowing.  This time a black storm that came on so quickly and strong.  Rolling pitch black clouds that covered the sky within seconds. And again, I instantly knew that this was the end.  There is very limited time to acknowledge the doom in each case.  Instead, I fill up with a huge sense of love, understanding, sorrow and joy simultaneously. Endorphin's flood in and all these dormant senses finally become activated. I immediately think to praise God, actually feeling grateful for each speck of sunlight before passing. I would say dying but it doesn't feel like my end but surely an end just the same.  And unlike with my daily prayers, when I speak I feel a divine presence or energy engulfing me.  I don't feel alone.  The vividness that exists in these delusions is bigger than the reality I know.  All the triviality is missing from the world and that sticks with me long after waking.
That is probably what torments me.  The thought that if that does exists, then what is this?  Because this sure the hell ain't that.

But the day goes on, I get distracted with having to go to work or clean the litter box.  Life goes on, dinner needs to be eaten, chicken needs to be baked, rice doesn't boil itself lady.  And before you know it, I'm no longer dumbfounded pondering this glorious head trip.  These are just dreams where nothing is real.  Nothing to get hung about, says me never.

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Just nod if you can hear me. Is there anyone at home?