Monday, August 22, 2016

Your Lips Move But I Can't Hear What You're Saying

Sausage and Peppers over Parmesan Polenta.  Something about the sweetness of the red peppers with the fresh basil and the tangy tomato broth really slapped me out of my Monday funk.
As always I've been deep listening like SETI for answers from the universe on the day to day.  So focused on receiving any kind of a signal.  Constantly searching for answers while not sure of the questions?  Today though, I realized I'm so tuned out to those that I'm actually in contact with each day.  Everyone at work knows what's going on in each other's lives and seem to really care. I feel I'm respecting and giving space by not asking anything, ever.  Even though I know one of my close coworkers struggles with her child, I wait until she wants to tell a story and then I mostly just listen.  When one of the young girls got engaged it was such a joyous moment for everyone but I felt so ill equipped to express any true emotion.   If I was perfectly honest, it just made me feel more distant.  Why do people even get engaged I thought?  And why would it make a coworker happy?  What the hell's wrong with me??  I'm like 'polar opposite girl'.   And whereas they seem to take solace in each other, I tend to like to play with the customer's instead like new cat toys full of nip.  
I don't try to be different and sometimes get real sad that I don't seem to relate well but now I'm just tired of trying.  Nothing makes sense because I'm super curious and love to ask intimate questions of people when given half a chance.  It is one of my obsessions.  Yet, I have all these subjects free and available all day each week and I just take a pass every time.  When someone does offer up exclusive stories I feel myself glazing over.  Dang, I just might be an asshole.  I always wondered if they were self aware.
Until I gather more data all I know is that I'm not winning any popularity contests in this lifetime.  But I will say this, when someone does comes my way that I can relate to, they get all that I have to offer....whether they deserve it or not.

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Just nod if you can hear me. Is there anyone at home?