Thursday, March 19, 2015

All Women Are Bad

What if all of the sudden at the same time, the whole world became extremely conscious?  Ultra aware of themselves, their own spiritual tab, of what others hold in their minds.  Would it be wonderful or too much to comprehend?  I pondered that possibility from a cluster of occurrences in my own tiny universe this last month.
A coworker who is like the most lowkey hippie type mellow guy came to work telling of an almost born again experience he had after making a very important decision recently.  He was ecstatic.  I questioned whether he had possibly discovered cocaine instead but understood after many questions that no, he'd just had a major shift.  He was so excited to tell me that everything changed overnight in his whole being and the work that he'd been doing had possibly finally paid off and quite suddenly.  All kinds of coincidental acts of good luck or will were befalling him.  As he was talking instead of being happy for him, I started tearing up and felt so inexplicably sad. Where the fuck was all my enlightenment? I've been working so hard to find answers too.  I'm ashamed to say that is really what I felt.
In reconnecting with several people lately I became aware that many had recent heartache.  Love that didn't surface.  Love duds so to speak. Non reciprocation from another individual.  Some were looking for love in all the wrong places, though where that right place is I would not know.  Love is elusive and never seems to come in full focus.
I found a lost friend who'd died and it was devastating.  I did a check on who I am as a friend and turns out I score pretty low.  I wasn't there for her and she was so smart and funny and full of life.  I knew she needed someone but I thought it wasn't me at the time.  People say you can only do what you can do and I've often wondered if that were true but instead believed it is a defect in many of us.  It is very hard to admit that what you did was not even close to good enough and it's too late to fix it.
This was an after work night dinner, rushed and invented on the bike ride home.  I had everything except the beefsteak tomatoes.  I picked out a couple beauties at the good corner market.  To save time I hollowed and baked the tomatoes while I was cooking the ground chicken.  I love when you already have items to throw in, and I did, like zucchini, carrots, cilantro, jalapenos, and pinto beans.  I didn't have time to deal with rice or quinoa so I perched the juicy filled cups on a bed of seasoned corn.  For this small task what I could do was not only enough but way better than expected.

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