Has the Ocean Lost Its Way

Someone screwed up at work and ordered too many apples for the restaurant so they're giving them to the staff for free. I took as many as would fit in my backpack after all my gear. I had thoughts to make caramel apples to give as gifts as the size was just right. But transporting could be a hassle. Plus, basically I never do more than half the things I 'plan' to do unfortunately. I'm that type of person. Big ideas, no follow-through. They say the first way to solve that problem is just to take one thing that you say you want to do and do it. Simple as that. Or do something. Perhaps a portion of the promise or an alternative. I've often thought the people who say these things are both genius and completely ignorant as to the actual problem itself.

It's the same as with depression. If you knew how to climb out of the dark holes you find yourself in, then yes, the answer is simply to 'do something' anything to begin to pull yourself up and get the blood flowing, making you feel alive. However the utter fact that you are currently unable to do anything is the thing that classifies a person as depressed. But the advice isn't completely hopeless or meaningless. I do think there are little tricks one can do to themselves in order to jump start if you will the normal cycle of living. I've found depression and many of my other inadequacies to be a bit like flu bugs. They creep up on me and before I know it I've fallen ill. But they do pass. At times I'm neck high in the muck, unable to move. But time will pass a bit and the heaviness seems to lighten up just enough to begin movement. The trick is not to fight it. Fighting depression is like a tuna flapping around trying to get loose from a fishing net. Or running in quick sand. It makes it much worse. This is not the time to try to win. Let it be true. You feel like a piece of crap on the bottom of someone's shoe. So be it. Be still, listen to your mind and body. Give it what it asks for. A bit more time passes and I can finally take that step necessary to start to feel more alive again. After that, then of course, yes, the advice works. You do something and afterwards you'll find yourself out of the rut.

After the apples sat around a week, I made individual apple crisps for me and P. That gave me an idea to also do individual meatloaves with my ground pork in a cupcake pan so that we could have the crisp on the edges and it just seemed more fun.
I added lots of spinach to the spiced ground pork,onions, bread crumbs, the usual and they came out great. Woman's Day has a nice recipe as well.

I need to find a way to trick myself into getting more done. Wronging myself is quicksand. Saying what I should do is failure cream. Making lists is defeating as its too overwhelming. Right now I center on picking one small part of the process and make that the goal. And by the way, I also fail at that constantly. I've found my mind is like the ocean. You can swim in it but if there are rip current signs than you'd better stay out. Many days the the waves dictate whether there will be any frolicking whatsoever. Maybe most people live more on the gulf where its steady and calm most days.