The Dark Side of the Moon

I used to be sure I was full of love. Hmm, maybe that's not true. Or say, at least I knew I had plenty of love in my heart in the case I ever decided to share it with others. A good reserve.

Lately though I fear maybe love is like aging, you lose some over time like your hair. Or all the sudden you notice its sagging and looks like a lizard or maybe what I thought was love was just a big misunderstanding of life.

Either way, I'm starting to feel my supply is low. Don't get me wrong, I love my man, my cats, my few friends and most of my family but that is taking up like the last scrape of the jar.

I like to think I'm not like all these foul mouthed bitter ole' trolls I work with but I'm no different. Its all inside but its there. I judge people everyday, all the time. I am super annoyed by almost everyone that I have to 'service' in my sales job. I secretly sneer at them and my eyes roll back in my head all day long. My manners are good but I'm pretty hateful inside. And then I wince at all gum-snappin' weaved up cows that can't crack a smile or say hi back after almost three whole years of passing their tired asses everyday. I hate on every single person I pass that is driving with their friggin' cell phone and truckers that are texting while crossing the intersections and school bus drivers that cut a girl off just to make a light and save 3 minutes of their precious time.

I wasn't always this way. Maybe I was. I don't really know but somehow it struck me today that I need to get some more love up in this joint, as the kids might say.

I started making cookies, really in hopes of getting money but also just to do something nice for pretty much strangers at work. The guys in the warehouse seems to work really hard and what we sell upstairs, they have to actually pull and lift for the customers so I started baking treats for them. They seem to like it enough. I also make stuff for P to take to his job and those strangers seem to enjoy them.

I know I'm not a complete asshole or I wouldn't be baking cookies for strangers. Right?

We had a supermoon they called it the other night and I was hating on people and baking cookies again. I heard 6:43 was the best time to see it so me and P ran outside. Of course when there is tall buildings all around, its kinda hard to find the moon, so we ended up going around the block. I was in my pink heart pajamas mind you, running around Fort Greene like a lunatic, which is fitting. We had to find that moon! We finally ran up by Fort Greene Park, and there it was, big as ever and bright, really bright. We ran up the hill and saw a man with a twitch staring up, like he saw God. I actually felt something, like inside of me and I was moved by it. I was so freaking happy to see that damn moon and feel something that wasn't contempt or anger or rage or disappointment or fear or disgust.

The cookies are good, White Chocolate Chip with Macadamia nuts and dried cranberries.