Introduce Your Heart to Mine

Intensely deep flavored French Onion Soup - Broth to die for!

Valentine's Day Black Forest Brooklyn Take Out - House made sausages over apple and wine-brined sauerkraut and roasted garlic mashed potatoes.  Chicken Brat basket below.

Valentine's Day is a bogus holiday and it's origins are vague, so I don't buy in, necessarily.  But as an excuse to order take out and try to make an impromptu party, I'm all for it.  Party of course is stretching the word a bit but I did find an amazing thriller-crime series called The Outsider based on Stephen King's novel with Ben Mendelsohn and Jason Bateman, that we binged and loved.  

Romance isn't something you can create by lighting a candle or handing a bunch of red flowers to your mate.  It's elusive and mysterious.  But you can celebrate your bond with your mate and friends, which is a healthier way to interpret this holiday.  Being in love with life services your mates and palentines more than anything and it's also a gift to give yourself because we must first put on our own oxygen mask before we could help anyone.  

 

No Longer Riding on the Merry Go Round, I Just Had to Let it Go

Beer Cheese Potato Sausage Soup

This soup was the most impressive thing I did in weeks.  It was more than just nutrition, felt like a (good) witches brew.  I put sausage but also ground beef as I love the texture with potatoes.  Meat and potatoes, what could be better?  Oh yeah, cheese!!!  And the Guinness gave it depth.  I omitted the whole milk because it was rich enough on it's own.  It's a decadent soup already, so it was easy giving up one item.

As always, I added some jalapeno for heat.  As in life, I am not fond of too much comfort in my comfort foods.     

When do you let something go, that you know is true or important but seems hopeless to resolve?  When is it crucial to state facts if they are not pleasant or hurtful to a person or community?  How do we talk about complex issues that require us to be more honest than makes us comfortable in order to unravel all the necessary layers?  It's hard enough for two people who are together for years to discuss problems in the relationship with complete honesty let alone strangers in multitudes.  Many of the problems right now require tougher conversations than we are probably capable of holding.  

But in friendships and love relationships oftentimes we refrain from bringing in the whole truth of the matter verbally anyway.  Truth tends to reveal itself over time slowly and gradually whether you like it or not.  Sometimes what we fear is true, is not what it seems at all.  Other times, the issue either fixes itself or goes away on it's own.   This year, for me, there is a good amount of accepting what is.   That's not to say giving up but understanding the limitations of my powers of persuasion and efforts.  Even going as far as to leave things be, not to affect.  I guess I would liken it to having a second child where mothers are less nervous and learn the hard way that they do not control much of anything.  This pandemic may have kicked me into that sophomore mentality. 

Before, there had been an obligation to contribute to the global mix of chaos, to get in there with a little elbow grease and help sort it out in many areas of my life, even at work.  But I have let that go because for one it doesn't seem to result in positive results.   I seem to have just as much luck when I do absolutely nothing in life then when I put all my heart and soul into something and I'll tell ya, it's a lot less painful.  It seems that if I keep my good intention but mind clear of debris, the rest falls into place naturally. 

A gorgeous rendition of Watching the Wheels by John Lennon

The next day after it became all soft and married

I Can't Give You Anything But Love, Baby

All Beef Cheeseburger with toasted bun

P announced he would make us BLTs and it sounded great, the right combination of salty and fresh cool ingredients, a nice toasted bread!  After a couple more funky days, it sounded like heaven for someone to shop and cook for me.  The only thing I had was lettuce, so off he went to the corner markets only to find they were out of both bacon and regular bread.  As I had mentioned before but didn't take my own advice, you need to come with a plan B so as not to waste time inside the market.  After a short phone call we decided to switch to burgers as he found ground beef and cute brioche buns.  I made a very tasty, quick side salad using my chilled quinoa mixed with the remaining pico de gallo, a squeeze of fresh lime brought it back to life.  This is a very similar to the freshness you get from a greek type salad using quinoa.  Basically the little thirsty grain soaks up anything acidic and loves to blend with fresh herbs.  A good reminded side to keep in mind.  Make a batch of quinoa and store it the fridge for just such occasions. 

I got the grill pan heated right away and began chopping the vegetables, formed the patties.  After a few minutes I realized I was cooking the meal by force of habit and P either noticed or didn't say anything.  It was so quick, it hardly mattered but I was a little bummed I may have blown my one chance for pampering.

Is The Better Part Over?

Not Ray's reopened and P braved the unmasked waters to get us a slice

During my strong days I float along, follow the rules of society, and generally try my hardest to keep good thoughts based on my limitations and abilities.  But once in a while I get these blockbuster, morose ideas that form like supercells inside my head.  I can't help but consider this COVID-19 could be so much worse then we ever imagined.  Opposite to the folks that think this is an overblown simple flu, I'm starting to believe instead its not only nothing we've ever seen before, which is already a known fact but that it's capable of inconceivable things. many of which are not yet known.  After reading about those poor little kids developing that related syndrome, adding yet another chapter to this bizarre bug, simply calling it a bug makes it sound too innocent.  There is nothing sweet about a virus that has the ability to warp your mental state.  Now that I have some distance from it's epicenter, I'm reading not only may there be permanent damage but some are questioning if it ever really goes away.  What if when your immune system weakens, it can come back, like genital herpes.  In Italy, weeks after supposed recovery, and no longer testing positive many are finding themselves hovering in an endless convalescence, not well enough to work.  This is where we are after 7 weeks. 

A recent article in the Times left me both relieved to see our very odd experiences are not uncommon....

But even some of the infected who have avoided pneumonia describe a maddeningly persistent and unpredictable illness, with unexpected symptoms. Bones feel broken. The senses dull. Stomachs are constantly upset. There are good days and then bad days without apparent rhyme nor reason. 

....and with chills how the article ends.

 “It leaves something inside you,” she said of the virus. “And you never go back the way you were before.”

South of the Border, Down Mexico Way

Cinco de Mayo Nachos

Woke with a mystery cough and feeling the kind of low that I decided to make another doctor's appointment.  Somehow P was on the upswing, so I rode with him to get groceries to Fairway by the water.  I needed to get it up for my team and try to pull off a celebrational dish for the holiday.  I've never made a cheese sauce before and thought that might be interesting for steak nachos.  It was good, but a different nacho experience entirely.  I felt bad because I could enjoy the fresh take but P is not a wet nacho type of guy.  He likes traditional cheese on chips with a jalapeno, extras on the side that you can dip and add but nothing smothered like this.  You would think after so many years, I would never falter but the truth is I had been obsessed with watching Sam the Cooking Guy on YouTube at night and he drove me to this sauce.  I had to make it.  We have a similar take on food and I found an odd culinary compadre during lockdown.

A midday quesadilla snack treat

Pico de gallo, Chipotle salsa and guacamole starters

Making the basics is not hard at all but there is a lot of chopping, roasting, mashing, mixing and blending so after I got this little trio made I took a long nap before finishing the job.

Valentino Pier Red Hook Brooklyn

My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys

Have I bored you yet with my cowboy fantasies?  It's not what you might think.  I grew up loving old western movies, even watched all of the TV stuff like Bonanza, Wild, Wild West, The Ponderosa, Death Valley & The High Chaparral.  I have romantic notions of being out there in the heat, living that life, minus the gunfighting of course.  I feel myself in dusty gear, the sound of my leather vest crackling. Obviously I have an amazing hat and pair of spurred black boots.  Actually it was always a toss up of being the dark mysterious cowboy or the light tan suede wearing subtler kind of cool.  Both had appeal.  After riding all day, I stop for the night, tie up my horse, set up camp and make a fire.  Then I get my tin pans out of my big leather saddle pouches, with my canned beans and tortillas that I have somehow.  There's meat, you know that I caught, skinned and prepared, cut up on a nearby rock with my sharpened pocket knife.  The entire meal prep plays like a symphony.  This whole air castle was born from the way the actors ate those beans in all the best westerns, how the spoons scraped the tin plate and their cheeks were chunky full of soft creamy goodness that they washed down with the strongest coffee ever.  I wanted that!  It was magical.

Anytime I can recreate that type of meal it's a pleasure like with this breakfast. I paired these leftover steak chunks with black eyed peas and a poached egg, to scoop up with torts.  

Let's Face the Music and Dance

Birthday Beef Enchiladas

P turned 57 in quarantine.  Due to the fact that life will never be the same, and jobs are uncertain, he received zero presents.  The days before I felt under the weather and super fatigued.  I told my friend it felt like they sprayed stupid powder in the air.  I was having trouble forming thoughts.  The plan was to order delivery and try to make some fun out of lemons.  Then on the actual day, I had better energy but realized P was looking a little green around the gills.  We handle sickness entirely different.  His method is to deny, deny, deny until he can no longer, and then he'll tell me every five seconds, Wow, I'm super congested, Dang, I must be really sick, Oh man, I can't believe I feel this terrible as if it was of national concern.   I, of course, saw us both worsening days before but it was gradual, so it was no surprise to me that he woke feeling ill.  On the other hand, I approach my body like a teenage boy with his car, losing it if I see the slightest ding. I'm always hyper aware of any quirk, odd sound or jerk.  I need to understand what is happening and daily maintenance checks are required.  I would complain but P has such an uneasiness with weakness and is thE worst comforter.  Sometimes I think I'd rather bleed out alone in the corner before trying to get sympathy from that man.  Of course he has other attributes and when can I think of them, I'll surely write them down for ya.

I'm not the warmest person either but I did ask if he could have anything for his birthday dinner, what would it be and he picked enchiladas.  I didn't grow up eating baked enchiladas like this but instead they were rolled straight out of the sauce with cold cheese and onions, which is the best way but this is no slouch.  Seasoned ground beef, onion and cheese inside and baked.  This isn't anything new of course, your Aunt Bitty probably makes them but if you get that sauce special, that makes the difference.  Also, your choice of cheese can change the flavor mood quite a bit, depending on the spice of your sauce but it's mostly a personal preference.  The only musts here are iceberg lettuce and raw onion.  I topped these with canned black olives.

Views On the Road Beef Enchilada Recipe

After you get your sauce perfect the only other hardship is softening all the corn tortillas in hot oil. Don't cut calories by skipping this step and steaming but that does work if you must.  But don't, because so much flavor is lost.  Plus, you're not frying, just softening the tort.  But in doing that, it releases all this earthy corn flavor that is essential for the full experience, the whole enchilada if you will!  I'm telling you it's the difference between barbecue or boiled chicken.  You dredge in the sauce before filling and rolling each one.  It's a process that one could master.  I haven't.  You need to get that grandma vibe going, that women who tirelessly does all day for others while thinking nothing of herself.  That's what it takes to make the best tamales or enchiladas, anything you assemble with such intent to get the perfect proportions.

We actually played Scrabble like dweebs and spun records staying away from all doomsday scenarios and pandemic news.

When you're married to Nick Cartwright from Bonanza

Ain't It Funny How Time Just Slips Away

A great similar recipe made with beef, not chicken

Asian Lettuce Wraps

What makes this dish sing are the herbs and fresh jalapenos.  You think you know it all until you taste a bite of iceberg lettuce seasoned chicken with cilantro, mint, green onions, basil and fresh sliced jalapenos together. Oh and roasted peanuts.  You really can't beat it.  I made a Thai peanut sauce for the brown rice and it sort of worked, surprisingly.  The roasted zucchini was a misstep though, clearly.

My mom would have loved this.  I miss her.  I wish I had her to talk to today, to tell her things I've been reading, get advice about her grand daughters. I used to love to play her music because she had such a love of any type of sound and was very open to anything that moved her. 



I've playing this song several times today.  How did I not know Willie Nelson wrote it?  It's really about scorned love but it's funny how the melody and certain words of a song can suffice to help you through your own circumstance even if it's not the original intent.  My mom always told me that time flies by and to try to hear her because it's very important to recognize you only have limited chances to get things right.  Of course I was probably 15 so time was eternal and talk like that was just depressing.  I probably tried to lecture her on how to cheer up and that worry and regrets only steal from you.  Which is true and I still believe but now I wish I would have shut up, really heard her or at least asked her what she would have done differently.  Listened to her with an open heart, like she did me.  Understand why she felt it so important to tell her daughter that, other than the obvious, that it's simply true. 

Like Al Green sings, you can't know, how could you know, you never know when something or someone will come around again (or go away forever).  Nothing gets easier, only harder, not to say it all sucks, it's amazing and horrible all in a lifetime of millions of individual moments.  But I do wish I had a few of them back to relive with my wise mother today.

Heartache is a heart hurting and that doesn't change or go away so this song is probably one that many folks can relate to whatever they're going through. 

To All the Gourds I've Loved Before

This isn't the first time I stuffed and baked an acorn squash but I thought it was the whole time I was doing it. Then I remembered that was actually the whole reason I chose to try it again, because it was so much better than I had imagined.

I took out the seeds, cleaned and dried them before seasoning and toasting them in the oven to put on top of my crunchy cabbage slaw.

Freshly chopped cabbage, red onions, tomatoes with cilantro, jalapenos and lime juice.

I made a quick chili with pinto beans, chilies and ground turkey.

The best thing about this impressive looking dinner was that I made it after work and in less than an hour's time.  To save time I prebaked the squash and then just put the chili in and topped with one slice of vegan cheese to melt in the oven for five minutes before serving.