If You're Lost You Can Look and You Will Find Me

Brother David and his wife, then teen girlfriend Betty who he would marry at 17 and remain with until he died. 

Brother passed near this holiday, the 4th of July, so now I equate hot dogs to him, which is fitting since he had a great sense of humor and if any food has humor, it's probably hot dogs.  I often feel his presence around when alone and have conversations with him, sometimes asking for advice from the after world.  I didn't get to know him well enough before he passed but I loved him dearly.  Something tells me he stays around to check on his large family because he hated leaving them with any burden and from what I learned about him, he had a great sense of responsibility.  He hated that his cancer slowed him down in getting things done.  In these cases, the spirit might get extra time to hang and protect, is how I figure it anyway. 

After he died, a mystery unfolded that needs solved.  I kept noticing time, clocks at specific numbers, like 2:22 or 3:33, 5:55, always looking at my phone at the precise moment the numbers would sync and then followed by a nudging feeling.  At first I thought it was my mother but later came to know it's him, somehow.  Lately, it's happening at 11:11 and for quite some time, like weeks.  He's trying to tell me something.  I think.  It's hard to speculate and I continue to search my mind for clues.  

Time itself, the concept has plagued me all my life.  I've not believed in it and often resented how big a role it plays in our day to day.  Recently I've come to look at the past and the future as mere thoughts, that only this moment is real, right now. Clocks and calendars have therefore become more of a nuisance.  These ideas have freed me of so much pain and misery.   Not to be stuck to a formed definition of yourself, who you are, what you're capable of is to become a child again but taller.  The truth is, we're all so many different things and to hold on to an idea about yourself is a form of prison.  

Dave was always so clever and seemed to see all my insecurities as if written right on my face, when we were very young and I had more than my share.  I didn't even let him see my eyes when walking past, as it would bring on stuttering.  I remember thinking way back then that I had outed him.  I understood he was more of a character in a fairy tale, an other worldly creature posing as a brother, but he knew so much more than the rest of us, somehow.  And he made me know him deeply, in an instant, back then and later as an adult, somehow.   

Chili dogs, potato chips, salad and watermelon - the 4th of July plate.

I think this was my other brother Ernie's wedding day.  (David on left, Ernie on right).  I remember the back of Ernie's thighs were sweating through his pants in church and he fainted or something.  My mom got mad because she said it was probably due to his drinking too much the night before.  My brothers together always seemed like they were up to no good, which I loved.  

So, I don't know what it could be, perhaps a warning or knowing him, more a riddle.

It will for now, remain a mystery. 

I Do Believe I've Had Enough

Black Forest Brooklyn 4th of July bag of treats!

Yeah, well we've had fireworks for weeks nightly here in Brooklyn and I for one am all done with that noise.  The shots heard out of the blue that sent me scrambling to the window constantly to make sure someone isn't laying dead on the street.  No thank you.  So the 4th of July although a day of celebration would be super low key for us.  Take out from our corner German Biergarten seemed appropriate mainly due to their menu being the closest relation to grilled hot dogs we could find.  Plus they're so delicious!

House made pretzel with mustard dipping sauce

What the visual display lacked, we made up in this amazing sampling of all their sausages, Spicy Citrus Kale, fries and a nice warm giant pretzel to dip in hot mustard.  Watermelon not shown but was there cubed and juicy!  Contrary to popular media belief, Liberals love America too!

A box of small fries - I wonder how big is the large!

The amazing Spicy Citrus Kale

A box of sausages!!!

I Just Wanna Be Your Firecracker, Maybe Be Your Baby Tonight

4th of July at Fort Greene park in Brooklyn.  Can't see a damn thing and we all waited for a good long time in the humidity.  However, kind of a fun quiet experience to sit facing the sky with hundreds of strangers as if a spaceship was to appear any second or a great band was gonna take the invisible stage.  Eventually you could see some explosions over the tops of the trees on the far side of the park.  But I ain't got time for all of that, as the kids say at work.  So we took a walk and talked about all the previous 4ths, where we were, what towns.

That day I roasted these huge thick slices of cauliflower, open cheese burgers with fresh guacamole.  And the fireworks came in the form of an edamame succotash with juicy grape tomatoes, corn and red onions. Fresh herbs and lemon really bring out the bright flavors.

Earlier, like little moles we reluctantly left the comfort of the nest to forage for tacos.  Luckily it started to sprinkle and decisions were made to quick-style the taco effort to the corner joint.  We supersized the meal with salsa, homemade quac & chips and cold watermelon chunks.

I toyed with trying the new ice cream shop named Scoops.  As we stood in front of it like in a dream I see an old friend walking down the street towards me, and he's actually talking to me already.  My ear is still a little shoddy so I had to do a double take and get with it before I looked like a complete stoner.  I'm socially awkward.   He's always had a huge energy presence and there was some confusion as to why he left his wife and child in the book store or something, so the whole thing went quickly and frantically.  We exchanged quickie hellos and I forgot all about the ice cream. 

Up On the Roof

4th of July Fireworks on our Brooklyn roof!

Renewed holiday excitement this year due to DiBlasio bringing the fireworks back to the viewing pleasure of Brooklyn residents.  

What a treat to lay on the roof and watch all these amazing displays.

Ultimately, I totally dug them!

But first, the rooftop picnic!  Iced lemon seltzers, cold watermelon, veggie chips.  After work I did a quick salad resuscitation on these already pretty good chicken taco bowls from Habana to go.  I added corn and black beans, more tomatoes, avocado, shjuzzed up the meat and I took the greens and tossed them with fresh herbs and a garlic lime vinaigrette.  Much, much better!

At first the night threatened to be a bit cloudy.

....but they all drifted away by nightfall.

 

I was ready like 3 hours early for the festivities to begin.  Nerd Alert!

 By the way, coldest NYC 4th that I can recall.  We had to reconnoiter and run down to put jackets on!  What?!