I had all this free time with P away on his driving adventure. I knew I'd squander most days on senseless self revulsion. I don't allow myself nice things too often. But once in awhile if I feel I've paid my dues, I let just enough joy seep in to fully comprehend what I find the need to deprive myself of most days. I worked 10 to 6:30 on this day, which on paper looks like a perfectly reasonable shift. But it's so damn long if you deal with the public all day. So very, very long. I'm one of those freaks that resents every single day that I have to do something that I don't want to do. I keep all of that hostility on my Google Cloud, bought the extra storage needed and everything. I desperately wanted to convince myself that I'm not the giant loser I see in the bathroom mirror at work in her puke yellow polo shirt. Or maybe that's precisely who I am. In either case, nachos were clearly in order.
Deluxe nachos with tomatoes, black beans, sweet onions, jalapenos, and sharp cheddar just waiting to be smothered in my roasted hot sauce.
Our "outside" and your inside need to match up girl! I read these blogs and marvel at the way you weave in the universal themes that we all grapple with as we try to hold onto our humanity in this brutal marvelous world. The way I resonate with the things you write is a gift in my life. This is not done by a "loser" in a puke yellow polo shirt. This is done by a woman who somehow- surrounded by so many forces that try to separate us from ourselves- holds on to the flame of her soul and keeps it burning and throws her light into the void of the universe just because. You are amazing. Please don't forget that.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, nachos are always the answer.
Love you. LL
Would you please move next door to me? ;O) Love you friend. Means a lot coming from you.
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