Monday, November 14, 2016

Give Me Hope, Help Me Cope With This Heavy Load

I realized today that the whole country feels like a dysfunctional family unit.  I guess Trump would be the obvious abusive member.  And the political game itself fueling the rage.  When you live in a house that is sick, you don't know who you can trust.  You learn certain coping behaviors.  You unconsciously fall into a role.   I am familiar with this feeling but I couldn't quite place it until this week.

I remember when I could afford therapy or believed answers to life's problems were secretly given to people with degrees. I still respect the work and the people who do it.  I believe it can be very helpful, I just choose not to do any more drudging of that nature.  I have gone onto other means of figuring my existence.  Luckily I got in years of it early on though and still reap the benefits.  So much that I consider myself proficient and well versed in spotting broken dynamics in groups.

My role is that of the Adjuster or what they call the Lost Child in this political mess.  I escape by attempting to be invisible.  I daydream and fantasize, read a lot of articles, watch movies and listen to and submerge myself in whole albums and bodies of work.  I deal with reality by withdrawing from it.  And some of these traits have helped me to write and take photos, to concentrate on cooking and understand music that I could never sit still long enough to take in before.

But it is essential that I stand up and dust myself off, wipe my eyes and live my life again with no apologies. I've dealt with asshole bullies before.  I've lived through tons of disappointment.  I've walked among haters and trolls.  I know how to find balance and I will do it again. But this time I want to extract more happiness and composure and not feel I've left any portion of myself there on the floor.  This election has served as a sped up replay of past injustices and pointless stupidity endured.  This too shall pass.

So you might think I jumped right in and made something spectacular that night.  Wellllll.  Not exactly but it was really healthy and fortifying.  Black Rice with tomatoes, spinach, zucchini and Beyond Beef Spicy Beefy crumble.  Was great with a huge dousing of Sriracha Sauce.

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