Where Is My Mind? Where Is My Mind?

I go back and forth wondering if I'm depressed or just kinda boring now.  I really don't want to do a lot of extra things outside of my regularly scheduled programming on most days.  Sometimes I'm up for anything!  But full disclosure, that's true only in theory.  I usually hate the idea, at first.  But I can be talked into things very easily.  Well, I guess that's not all the way correct either.  Listen, I enjoy many occasions. I do like to go on walks.  I like eating at restaurants.  I love being in the movie theater.  I love live music and would go more often if P would also enjoy it.  But you know at this point we have these like rider lists where it's all good but, with conditions.  For example, at a live show, I need to know there are bathrooms accessible and nearby.  P wants confirmed seating and is not down with all day outdoor concerts anymore.  Stuff like that.  So sometimes when you want something to happen you gotta sort of negotiate with your spouse.  It's like an honest business transaction, usually easy enough but also very easy to blow off.

Especially when you really don't care either way.  And that sounds sad but actually it's just a testament to how content I am a good portion of the time, until I'm not.  I do my thing.  I work full time and we have scattered hours from each other, so each week is different and when we connect we have fun and laugh.  We've been together 25 years, so we've done the date nights, we've had hundreds of romantic times and have lived spontaneously, we've fought and took it out of each other.  Now, we sort of play it by ear.  Let the chips fall where they may.

I fall deeply in love with my alone time especially when P is in the house doing something himself. It's the best of both worlds.  I love space to nurse an idea leisurely, like what to make for dinner.  I study the ingredients and finally make the dinner as the actual activity.  Eating is the bonus finish and then I'm pretty much good.  If I can accomplish one task like that after work, exercise, shower and clean up than I consider that a good full day.

I have these silent experiments and afterwards go back and quietly critique my own work.   I'm always considering stories and how it relates back to the meal I just made.  I write myself continuous emails & notes.  Those singular thoughts that will form a ball at some point. If I'm trying something new or special, then I'll photograph it all angles, all lights.  Do you know how hard it is to get an appetizing food pic?  Let me tell you it's not easy and sometimes damn near impossible.  It's kinda weird to do all this but I seem to enjoy it.

I can't smoke or grill in this tiny apartment so a jerk rubbed chicken and vegetables was as close as I was gonna get to authentic.  Roasted cauliflower, chick peas and brussel sprouts also jerk spiced were the perfect bed.

I think my conclusion is that I am neither boring or depressed but possibly an eccentric recluse who likes to cook.

Never Going Back Again

We haven't eaten pizza for a bit but were craving it so I had to find a way.  When shopping for a firm yuca on this day, I stumbled upon this display of Cassava Bread, made of 100% yuca pulp! What luck!  I've done the cornmeal pizza crust. That was a semi-failure but will try, try again.  I made mini pizzas with cauliflower. That worked and completely transformed the grated and baked veggie.  But this 'bread' was good to go, a time saver and I was anxious to see if it could stay crisp after baking without burning.

And since I didn't have to take all the time to make the crust, I spent time on the sauce and the toppings.  I roasted broccoli ahead of time and sliced the sweet onions nice and thin,  to cut the calories I used ground chicken with lots of fresh herbs. The mushrooms went on top with some good olive oil.  This is always a last minute conundrum. Cheese on tippy top or leave one topping showing to entice the eyes?  Put the cheese right on top of the sauce and everything else over the cheese to make the slice look bountiful?  

What to do, what to do?  If only these were the real problems in life.

In the end the crust was like a cracker, did not get soggy and kept it's integrity without getting burnt in the high heat.  Duly noted!!  I will use again and this will help me to stay away from the pizza slices from Not Rays.  Must. Stop. Wanting fatty pizza.

What a Fool Believes She Sees, No Wise Man Has the Power To Reason Away

I love that we're looking at these common vegetables a whole new way.  Cauliflower is the new it girl when a few years ago, would sit on the shelves waiting to be added to a summer salad. Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.  But now she's front and center in pizza crust and this dish, Chicken and Peppers starring, Grated Cauliflower as Fried Rice!

The texture is so great and this was super light and easy on the gut.  I'm tackling a little gerd.

Common vegetables are only as happenin' as you make them, I'm learning.  Everyday, regular, doesn't have to be synonymous with humdrum or standard.  They can be like when that girl at school that everyone ignored until one day she came in with that mini skirt on and then you all realized she had amazing legs and all the sudden she was all that with mystery and mystique.   I was never that girl.  I stayed dwarf-like until way too late to be lusted after.  But my mom tried to get us girls primped up at least for photo day at school.  This one year knowing I was a hopelessly shy pathetic mess, she told me all day that orange was my color.  I even had a semi-matching barrette to go with this fetching sweater.  All day I tried to stay upright as not to muss my quaff.  And I've kept that good memory that I was sorta stunning that day because my mom made me believe it.

...Until a few weeks ago when I was scanning pics of all us siblings and I found a pic of my sister, who by the way is 8 years older than me, in the exact same sweater!

Mother!!!