Limitless Undying Love Which Shines Around Me Like a Million Suns

There is sadness or hardship around many of the days in winter I imagine for most people, especially in cold weather towns.  I'm not sure how others feel but also getting older wouldn't be so bad if you didn't look so haggard, feel like crap half the time and more people you loved hadn't passed.  Today was another death anniversary, my father's.  These days are inevitable but come with loads of emotion.  This morning I watched videos and remembered my dad's giant sense of humor and big love of food.  On these sad occasion days, one must work at not filling up with self deprecating thoughts instead of simply honoring the deceased. 

Make your own chips and salsa but when you can't, these brands are second best

I thought a Taco Salad for lunch could be made more memorable by adding roasted grape tomatoes and chick peas.  I put tons of cilantro into the lettuce mix, sweet onions, black beans, cheddar cheese and chips.  I used a great salsa for the dressing and I think my dad would have said, That's all you're making?!?  and most likely hated it. There in lies the humor.  

Using salsa as dressing is so much better than you'd imagine.

Food wise it was hard to impress my folks but to their credit, they were such great cooks both of them, like presenting a song to Paul and John. 

Everything feels related to the Beatles in one way or another since watching Get Back, the Peter Jackson documentary.  It's comforting to obsess on subjects in order to work through tough times in your life.  So I continued the trend by watching one of my favorite movies, I Am Sam which features accurate witty insightful Fab Four related gems by Annie, played by Dianne Wiest, an awesome Beatles covers soundtrack as well as being filled with tear-jerking zingers.   It was 65 degrees in February today but I felt more comfortable in a dark room being still and getting my feels out.  

Annie is relatable in that she is comfortable giving advice from her home but struggles with leaving it.  This movie is a must for Beatles fans. 

During this period, P handmade a frame and Ringo was erected in order to recall the calm Tao of Pooh vibes that he emitted in the footage above all 4. 

It's Easier Than Just Waiting Around to Die

Rest in Peace

Looking fancy on a trip to Mexico

My father passed yesterday peacefully with loving grandchildren literally at his bedside in Arizona. Without dredging up unnecessary muck, I can only report that death during the Pandemic is brutal on dysfunctional families.  Just one more layer of hardship on already tired souls.  

In order not to pound my face in the pavement, I went to the kitchen to make a tribute meal for dad.  One of my favorite memories is watching Westerns with him and basically anytime he was in the kitchen, because that's when he was most animated.  So I made a comforting Albondigas Soup and rented the Homesman with Tommy Lee Jones in his honor.  We didn't eat this growing up but it looked beautiful and soups can be medicine when you need them to be. 

I'll miss his sense of humor and always admire how he kept learning, reading and remained so in love with life always and until the end.  He told me to embrace my craziness, to thank my lucky stars if I'm nuts because we're the blessed ones in life.  We don't see all the ugliness.  He was wrong but that stayed with me and helped.  

Recipe from Iheartnaptime.net

People say, 'well, he was 97' as if you should be ready to let him go, which makes logical sense but I think it was my nephew Ty that said, at 97 they've been with you so many more years that it's even harder to see them go away.  Me and Sid went full circle in this lifetime.  

Be Here to Love Me Today

My dad is leaving this earth.  When people begin to pass, you may get little gifts from the universe if you're lucky and pay attention.  My niece who had cared for him for years texted at 4am that she had a horrible feeling he was passing.  A mourning dove cried so loud at my window the next morning that it woke us, P thought it was an owl.  I remembered these birds from my mom and dad's houses in Arizona.  What an emotional song, more of a lamenting cry.  And that bird stayed with us for days, until another joined him after he passed and now they sit on the air conditioner making all kinds of racket.   

My Christmas cactus bloomed that next day, which I also took as a little nod from my mom.  Her spirit was definitely distributed in the birds and flowers, I believe.  And it would be like her to try to comfort me right now.

These sloppy dumplings made from pork, carrots, onion and garlic were made with nervous, sad hands.