Saturday, December 5, 2020

Knowing Me, Knowing You, There is Nothin' We Can Do

You can ignore some things just so long.  I've mentioned that I believe we are long-haulers, the folks that suffer lasting effects from the COVID 19 virus.  We've talked about it through the last months as various issues continued to pop up and go away.  We deal with it quite differently but in the end, this week we sort of came together for some straight talk.  P's always felt it's best to ignore everything and plow on.  This has served as his main go-to strategy for all problems through the years but he finally came clean to admit how he's been affected.  From a curious scientific standpoint, I find the abilities of the virus fascinating and almost couldn't believe we were in this minority group that has been afflicted in this way.  I stayed away from reading most articles on the subject at first because I didn't want to be influenced.  Then as it continued and in some cases, became worse, my curiosity has turned to fear so now I just want all the oddities to go away.  My gut is pulling on my spirit dragging the whole ship down.

I notice stuff, that's kind of my thing.  I can't help but focus on what I see.  Months after the virus supposedly left, it felt like maybe it didn't.  As if there was some little tiny robot inside still snooping around for organs to screw with, and screw it did.   My body has been in an immune system fight for a very long time. As I write, it's gone on for 4 or 5 days in a row.  I have good days but a lot of bad days.  Headaches, nausea, weakness, muscle aches, extreme back pain, sore eyes, brain fog, chest pain and the dreaded shortness of breath with fatigue.  I'm full on coming out like Elliot Page, this shit is real and I'm tired of pretending it's not.  

I am basically capable of going to work and not much else right now.  I do a turtle like clean of the apartment during the week, no whirlwind tasmanian devil deep cleanse like before.  Not to brag but I was kind of a task bandit, getting loads done in a short amount of time before settling in to enjoy the fruits of my labor on days off of yore.  That has changed quite a bit.  I lay in bed a lot.  I look like hell and feel even worse.   I have to believe we will come back to feeling strong soon.  But I admit, today, I am scared.  I fear that whatever this is lasts forever and also of what going another full strength round reeking havoc could do. 

Sister's homemade Christmas tamales

My Whole Foods frozen resteamed tamales, cuz... 2020

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