Wednesday, January 22, 2020

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

I don't know why this is true but I can't completely relax when I'm home alone until I know when P is coming back to the apartment.  We both work various hours and it is always tricky but especially when he's on a big job to know when he'll be back.  Will it be in time to eat together or will I should shower by myself.  We have a tiny apartment so if I get it all calm and relaxed, is he going to come bursting in with a good half an hour of big energy?  It's not his fault (or mine when I do it to him).  When you come in from the outside you must decompress, talk about it, make various noises.  You have to get all your gear off, go the bathroom and drink some water, maybe eat a little.  It's all natural but in a small space it's hard to fully relax when someone is doing all of that, walking back and forth across your path.  Another thing is that if I go out like I did today, took a walk in the park, did a little food shopping so I dressed for human consumption, put on lipstick and a bra, combed my hair to make myself as cute as I can, then I kind of want him to see me.  Because I often stay looking pretty haphazard on my days off, so it's good to remind him that I am not always a fugly cow.  So it's a bummer to get undressed and put all my stuff away, back into pajamas,  I feel he missed something, which is nuts because I'm sure he could care less.   Tonight I made these cool Philly Cheesesteak Stuffed Peppers, what a great idea btw, not mine, from this recipe idea on
cheesesteak stuffed peppers
I had all the ingredients ready to go for when he came back, I could just put it together and bake them off but the hours passed, so I ended up eating alone.  I made a creamy polenta to lay them on and was quite happy with the whole thing.
Its just the uncomfortable feeling that you're waiting for someone to come.  I need to stop having this unnecessary problem.  Nothing is stopping me from just being.  As a matter of fact, remaining in that waiting state can spoil a good amount of time. You do it to yourself, it's nothing the other person has control over.  And then I think, what if he were gone like on a trip, what would I be doing differently right now if I knew he would not walk through that door all day?  Probably look a lot less presentable for one.
When he finally came back I presented him with these cool little concoctions over polenta.
Side note, I usually cut the tops off of peppers and stuff them like a cup but I quite like splitting them down the middle for this type of recipe. 

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