this is a blog about the food in my life. what I eat, what I wanna eat, what I make, what I bake, what I wanna make and bake, ideas and recipes. it's also my thoughts on food or stories behind the meals. The lyric references are from my lifelong love of classic rock and funk and from working a hunnerd years in music retail.
On special occasions when my body screams for protein, there is nothing like a steak and egg dinner with a mountain of sauteed vegetables in butter to relieve some of the heartache of life.
I know steaks are for winners, so enjoying one is a treat for which I am not worthy but will gladly partake of when the occasion arises. I am not a fan of the popular idea of learning to love ourselves. I think the less we consider ourselves and our needs, the better. Less self everything is most likely the best road. I'm terrible at considering the needs of others, but I see it's the way out of our own heads.
Thank goodness my partner was also craving this nutritious meat, so I could cook believing I was doing something loving for another when in reality, I was getting my own fix. You must crawl before you can walk.
It's my 59th birthday. I'm grateful for what I have and just yesterday found out that I do not have damage to my bladder, as was thought. However, it was made a little clearer that I am officially in what they call, Long COVID Syndrome but it would still take some weeks to really understand what that means. My urologist seemed to warn me to brace myself for some strife. The best way to describe how I feel right now is that of a normally healthy 86 year old with a bad flu, everything hurts but I'm in good spirits. What feels the best is having a blanket on my knee and to be resting.
My doctor says my immune system is working overtime, like those men who get attacked in movies and wake up in a nightmare still swinging. History has proved, I'm no prize fighter. On the other hand, I tend to survive in situations. People, including me, underestimate my ability to hang on, like a tough little barnacle to this ship that we call our life.
This is a perfect example of the bizarre world we're living in right now. In no sane universe would I EVER pick Dominos Pizza for my birthday meal. And yet, here it is on my table.
Chess board!
The warmest robe with the silkiest pajamas and clown slippers
My dear sweet momma, little Sid fell down and broke her hip. She had surgery and is now recovering but its uncertain whether she will regain her ability to walk or do simple things. Its been a tough but beautiful past 10 years for LS. She has come back from the bowels of sickness and disease. In her dementia she has given me so many little gifts and pearls of wisdom. Yesterday she was groggy from the drugs and her speech was slurred. I didn't understand much of what she said but at one point she said 'All you can do in this world is keep scratching, scratching and scratching at it - you have to go out and keep lookin' for yourself'. Pretty cool.
I know she is safe. I know nothing bad can happen to her anymore. But it is still a sad time and one that you can't hide from. I've not felt like cooking or celebrating with food lately.
I'll need to travel soon to see her and be very strong. I'm hoping that food will help me during that visit with my dad and also my nieces and brother. I will rely on food to help communicate the caring and love, nurturing and comfort that I feel for them. Its a necessary part of every one's day whether they are the president or a stranger passing on the street. We all have to eat. Someone cooking for you can be very intimate or simply a kind gesture.
Eating here at home lately has felt like more of a task, like showering, cleaning up. It feels wrong to become too festive about anything. I'm worried and I feel my mother slipping away. But LS miraculously came out of a wrong diagnosis of Alzheimer's a few years ago, had a thyroid surgery and was suddenly able to walk again, make sandwiches, joke around and have some quality of life where before she was bedridden and lethargic. She has been full of surprises. So in her honor I will think positively and take each day as it comes.
We had a calm breakfast here of steak and eggs with potatoes and toast. Nothing creative, nothing out of the ordinary but good and satisfying.
This week I made a dozen baked pork chops and just put them in the fridge to serve along side a spinach & tomato salad whenever we needed to eat.
This morning I was still feelin' a little low, not sick too much but tired. I wasn't up for our usual Saturday brunch at a fun cafe' to chat it up over coffee. P's understanding of this and was just as happy to have breakfast served to him in bed (if I did everything that is). What a sweetheart!
So sometimes you have ideas and sometimes life throws you curve balls. I had made the chimichurri sauce and was marinating the cheap steak bites for a supper over white rice and some mustard greens sauteed in garlic. That was for last night. But the night I had made the vegetable beef soup, mother nature was cookin' up her own soup of rain and high winds, and lots of lightning thrown in. Matter of fact it was a downright tornado they think, here in Brooklyn. I was already off my game, nursing a small bug and then suddenly the skies turned black, like really quickly and I knew my Lee Goldberg weatherman would have the skinny so I tuned in and sure enough, some monster storm was heading our way, di-rectly. It came alright. I wish I had pictures but truth be told, I was a little scared to be near the windows and what I did see was sort of freaking me out. I just remember the BREAKING NEWS alerts on TV and looking out seeing 'swirling' rain mixed with what looked like fire embers but turned out to be leaves. It was over as quick as it started. By the time it was all calm, I was done. My brain was fried, my knees were sore, my head was sweaty and I was done.
In hindsight I feel I could write a whole book on living in NYC post 9/11 and how since we've had a few scares (bomb threats & having to evacuate buildings, Anthrax, the big black out and walking with the entire city and by every building abandoned just as it was the second the lights went out, everyone with the uncertainty in their eyes that this was not terrorist related) and although every single thing turned out to be just fine, like this weeks storm, it can still scare the CRAP out of you in a way that nightmares about living in a post-apocalyptic world can scare you. Anyway, I think being away from P during that storm, knowing how quickly bad things can turn ugly in this city and not to mention how great my imagination works when drumming up just what ugly might look like, I think I just got wiped out these last two days.
So....very long story short, I didn't make my planned supper last night. I woke up and had the marinated steak with poached eggs this morning instead. I'm still tired but am back on the grateful train and just happy to be here alive and healthy with my ever lovin' man and two cats, a few key friends and loving families, with a job and bikes, etc.....
p.s., I was a whole lot calmer than these asswipes at least....
